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Question
Posted by: Idiot | 2005/12/14

Want to be down-and-out

I’m hoping someone out there can shed some light on this for me. I seem to have a ‘self-destructive’ tendency, for lack of a better way to describe it. During my life I have generally done well in terms of education, jobs, achievement and even finances. Twice I have inherited large sums of money and both times I just wasted it, knowing while I did so that I was doing the wrong thing but unable to stop myself.

Now I have a good job, a comfortable home life and a partner, but still it seems that the ‘darker side of life’ draws me for some reason. Its almost as if I WANT to be poor and down-and-out, although I am quite sure if I get there I will hate it. I also find myself very comfortable mixing with down and out people, its almost as if I feel at home there.

I really need to understand this tendency and get a hold on it. At this stage in my life I can’t afford to throw things away yet again, and I am sure that’s not what I really want to do, but once again I think I may be heading that way.

Has anyone else experienced this sort of thing, and how can I deal with it?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It can be an equivelent of more obvious self-destructive behaviour. See a counsellor and work at it, prefereably with a CBT approach ( see he archive for discussions of this ) .

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: ... | 2005/12/14

seems like you either don't feel worthy of having money... or some form of wealth.... or it really isn't that important to you... you get importance from the financial aspect because its what society dictates... and so although deep down it has not real meaning, you feel you need to be cautious.... maybe you hang out with people who are "down and out" because they make you feel that you can be yourself... no pretences about money etc.... or it makes you feel good that at least with these people you can appear to be more financially secure...... either way... it seems like you need to think about what it is you value... and what money means to you in your life..... once you accept that money isn't a bad thing... and that you're not bad for wanting to have it... then maybe things would be easier...

Reply to ...
Posted by: Anon | 2005/12/14

Hi there
My take on it is that you lack self esteem and therefore feel more "in control" and the low-life people you hang out with "look up to you" which makes you feel cool? i suggest you see a therapist and get down to the real cause of your esteem issues? I used to be involved with a really nice guy, but he felt more in charge when he befriended the "bergies" on the street corner - he somehow felt he could'nt live up to my standards, but he was so wrong?

Reply to Anon
Posted by: kerry | 2005/12/14

I sort of understand where you are I have felt that way too, but self destructive in a sense of being stupid about hard earned cash and health. My life changed when I changed my attitude.

I think you need to sit down on your own completely alone and think about what you have and what you dont have. You are confident in what you are capable of and maybe life is calling on you to use your confidence and strength to help those down and out poeple you feel so drawn to. I think having the happiness you have is awesome and you deserve it and you must appreciate it. I would not wish it apon my enemy to be down and out. Think it about it.

Reply to kerry
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/14

It just seems to me that you lack a challange in your life right now. You do well when there is a challange and once you have reached your goal, there is nothing left. Set yourself new challenges before you have reached your goal with the one you are working on.

Reply to Frusty

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