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Question
Posted by: beedee | 2004/02/25

want him to leave

we have been together for ten years, last year he paid lobola and resigned from his job. i rented a flat and he came to live with me but i pay for all the expenses because he does not have money.

now i am pregnant and i dont know if i love him anymore. we were hoping to get married but i am not interested anymore. i want to ask him to leave, but how do i tell him? also we cannot keep on living together when we are not married, because it is not in line with my religion - its called fornication.

he is a good person but i have no option, its either we marry or we seperate. i want him to go - do u think i am being selfish? please help

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Our expert says:
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Dear beedee,
Why on earth was he so foolish as to resign his job ? And you can surely tell him that you hav strong religious views and do not accept fornicaton. You are not being selfish, but wise. Unemployment is a sad problem for those who can't help it, but the sitaton is rather different with a man who chose to be unemployed, and then expected his woman to support him. That's not acceptable either in the modern way of thinking or the traditional. Don't you need to discuss all of this with him in some detail ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: beedee | 2004/02/25

thanks i feel much better already. for now i want him to leave because of fornication, and because im not ready to tie the knot now. i want him to find work and pay his debts first. since hes got huge debts.

he never provided for me when he was working, because he was always broke. he has not done any wrongs but i cannot handle the financial burden, especially because the baby is coming very soon.

im already paying his loan (R600 pm) because its linked to my bank account. for now i want him to leave, maybe if im ready, we will marry at a later stage

Reply to beedee
Posted by: Soul | 2004/02/25

Hi

Think wisely before you marry this guy as he may suggest that you get married then he doesn't have to work. You've made life very comfortable for him, I suggest you speak to him and tell him that there is a baby on the way and he needs to get his act together and look for a job. Tell him how you feel about your religious views and that you should no longer live together as the future between the 2 of you at this stage is unpredictable.

Don't get yourself suck into a situation that you can't get out of like marriage. The last thing you need is to have to support him and your baby you can provide your child with much without having to support him too.

I think you are wise for wanting to leave him and if your not sure rather put things on hold untill you've thought about everything clearly and without pressure from anyone especially him.

Take Care
Soul

Reply to Soul
Posted by: been there | 2004/02/25

Bee dee,

Only you will have the answer to your question. It seems you loved him when he could provide for you but now that he can't, you don't think so. You do not mention any wrongs that he has done to make you feel this way except for being unemployed.You have to think this through very carefully. What would happen if you were in his shoes?

Reply to been there

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