Our expert says:
Life does get complicated, doesn't it ? I wonder why you waited until nearly 40 before trying to have a child ( unless you already have a child or children from another father, and haven't mentioned that. Remember that with advanced maternal age, the risks to both mother and baby increase very significantly.
Your bf has twins, but apparently is now sterile or for some other reason, is unable to father children again ?
But if that were the case, I don't understand why you would want to go the in vitro route. If your bf is impotent, impotence can usually be treated sucessfully and in not to complex a manner ( and unless that can be achieved he would probably not be able to provide sperm for an in vitro prpocedure. If he can provide sperm but not intercourse, then artificial insemination should be simpler and much less expensive. Why would in vitro procedures be needed ? Usually that implies significant fertility problems in the woman.
You refer to his frozen sperm, so it sounds as though he may have been sterilized ealier, but has kept some sperm frozen and preserved ? Hasn't that been costing him a considerable amount of money ( I'm not aware of that facility being provided free of charge ). And if he can barely afford to support the children he already has, why would he choose to pay to keep sperm frozen ?
If you intend to live with him, would the children he already has remain with their mother ? Would adoption be an acceptable possibility for you, or are you concerned to actually bear children yourself ?
If he can barely afford to support his existing twins, presumably he could not afford to support any child you had, by him or any other sperm donor. Is that fair to the child ?
If you are prepared to consider pregnancy by an anonymous sperm donor, and raising the child yourself and entirely a your own expense - why did you wait until now, rather than doing so earlier ?
Sorry to pepper you with questions, but you may see how many issues are involved in the situation you partly described. Maybe the important first step is for you to see a counsellor, to explore all the relevant issues ; to better under stand what you want, what are your options, and above all, what would be the best for any child you might bear or raise.
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