Posted by: Alexis | 2013/02/18

Voilent crime

My best friend got the news this morning that an elderly close family member was murdered in a house robbery. How do I help her? I feel so helpless and I know I can’ t take her pain away, but there must be something I can do?

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Our expert says:
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Taking the pain away is, indeed, not possible, and might not altogether be useful. What one needs in this tragic situation is someone who is reliable and sympathetic as a LISTENER. So many people stay away from a friend in need because they can't think of the magical marvellous things they want to be able to say ; when what is most needed is someone who will listen when one wants to speak, and just sit companionably in silence when one doesn't wish to speak, and who will be available to perhaps help, if asked, with some of the chores and tasks of dealing with any tragic death. Someone who wont be horrified if they cry.
If things dont start to improve mildly ( it takes many months to work through any major grief ) then the help of an experienced counsellor should be recommended.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Pixie | 2013/02/18

Alexis, I am sorry to hear this tragic news.

No, unfortunately you cannot take her pain away - but you can be there for her, listen when she needs to talk. Advise her to seek trauma/grief councelling. When you suffer a traumatic experience you cannot get through it alone - let her talk when she needs to, let her cry when she needs to. But she must get the professional support to help her deal with the way in which her loved one died, and with the loss.

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