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Question
Posted by: snoekie | 2010/10/18

voel skuldig

My man se ma is siek en in ouetehuis. Sy het 7 jaar by ons gebly. Die ooreenkoms was as ek en my man trou, sal sy uittrek, want sy het na sy kinders gekyk na sy egskeding. Sy het nog 2 jaar gebly na ons troue.

My man het nog twee broers en twee susters. Die probleem is, sy huil glo nou by my skoonsussies dat sy wil terugtrek. Maar ek sien nie kans om na haar te kyk as sy siek is nie. Ek kan so iets glad nie hanteer nie. Niemand is bedags by die huis nie en ek leer nou deeltyds. So, ek het glad nie tyd eers in die aand om na haar te kyk nie. Is dit verkeerd as ek dink die sussies behoort na haar te kyk. Anders kom al die verantwoordelikheid af na my. Hoe moet ek die situasie hanteer??

Voorheen toe sy by ons gebly het, het niemand finansieel bygedra of haar eers vir twee weke kom haal om by hulle te gaan kuier het nie. Met die gevolg sy was orals saam met ons. En was net ons verantwoordelikheid. EK voel vandag soos ''n monster wat nie na haar wil kyk nie. Maar ek is nie ''n verpleegster nie.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I don't, obviously, know the details of this situation. She may feel she was somehow "dumped" in the outehuis, and may want to leave there to live again in an ordinary home. Maybe she is fit enough to do this - and then the issue is whether it is possible and desirable for her to return to live with you, or whether she can and should live with other members of the family. Maybe she is NOT fit enough to live in an ordinary home ( or not without extra care and attention which maybe none of you can provide) - maybe there are good medical reasons why she needs a more high-care setting ? In that case the problem is more one of helping her to accept the probably unwelcome situation and finding ways to make the best of it. Is there a social worker at the home who can assess the situation and advise on this ? If your concern is about not being able to look after her if she is now sick, don't you need a clear opinion from her doctor as to whether she is sick, how sick she is, what the outlook is, and what care she actually needs now and in the forseeable future ?
Wouldn't it be wise to arrange a family meeting, with all the adults involved, to discuss the reality of the situation and to explore what alternatives are available ?
The sussies shouldn't criticise you for your concerns about being able to care for her well enough, if they are not prepared to take her into THEIR home(s) and try to care for her, instead.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: snoekie | 2010/10/19

Ek het nie kinders nie

Reply to snoekie
Posted by: C | 2010/10/18

Wag maar net tot jy self ouer word en jou kinders wil ook nie na jou kyk nie.

Reply to C
Posted by: Blommie | 2010/10/18

Nee, moenie skuldig voel nie. Sy is nie net jou verandwoordelikheid nie. Ek klink seker hard, maar dit werk nie so nie. Jou hele huislike lewe gaan omgekrap word en jy (en jou man) gaan weereens die finansiele las dra.

Die sussies en broers moet ook plan maak.... dit is hulle ma ook.

Sterkte!






Reply to Blommie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/18

I don't, obviously, know the details of this situation. She may feel she was somehow "dumped" in the outehuis, and may want to leave there to live again in an ordinary home. Maybe she is fit enough to do this - and then the issue is whether it is possible and desirable for her to return to live with you, or whether she can and should live with other members of the family. Maybe she is NOT fit enough to live in an ordinary home ( or not without extra care and attention which maybe none of you can provide) - maybe there are good medical reasons why she needs a more high-care setting ? In that case the problem is more one of helping her to accept the probably unwelcome situation and finding ways to make the best of it. Is there a social worker at the home who can assess the situation and advise on this ? If your concern is about not being able to look after her if she is now sick, don't you need a clear opinion from her doctor as to whether she is sick, how sick she is, what the outlook is, and what care she actually needs now and in the forseeable future ?
Wouldn't it be wise to arrange a family meeting, with all the adults involved, to discuss the reality of the situation and to explore what alternatives are available ?
The sussies shouldn't criticise you for your concerns about being able to care for her well enough, if they are not prepared to take her into THEIR home(s) and try to care for her, instead.

Reply to cybershrink

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