Posted by: Nicky | 2004/10/29

virginity grief

My virginity has not being broken during sexual intercourse . Very painful . What do i do ? Can i go for an op or is there an easier way ....Find alot of discomfort

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGynaeDoc

It is common for the first few episoded of intercourse to be painful. Try using KY jelly, have your partner spend a long time getting you completely relaxed and aroused. The missionary position gives a good angle for the first time. Otherwise, the woman on top position is also helpful as you are in control.

Best wishes

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Our users say:
Posted by: dr anonymous | 2004/10/30

Dear Nicky

To start off, I hope that you are above the age of consent and in a loving stable relationship.

Difficulty in having sex for the 1st time is more common than what you see on the media. Majority of women are struggling out there, if it is not difficulty in penetration, then it is a problem with having an orgasm etc. etc.
Almost 40-50% of women in USA don't get orgasms!

For a woman (& even a man) to enjoy sex, she has to be emotionally satisfied before any physical pleasure can be derived. That is why it is important that you are happy in your relationship.
Most women suffer with the penetration bit because of dryness & that can be secondary to:
1. Side effects of some hormonal contraceptives.
2. Vaginal Candidiasis.(Thrush)
3. Emotional instability.

For 1 & 2 above you need to see your doc.
For 3, you just need some loving time with your partner until your vaginal lubrications start to get stimulated & you are aroused.
Majority of women out there take about a year to 18months to eventually get it right.
So my advice to you would be to stimulate each other in other ways (without the intention to penetrate) such that when you are ready, you will ask your partenr to try slowely.
Maybe you will not come right for the 1st couple of times, but be patient with each other & eventually you will learn to enjoy sex.

By the way, if he did penetrate you & exit soon after, then in all likely hood your hymen is broken.

Good luck.

Consult you doctor to exclude an abnormailty.

Reply to dr anonymous
Posted by: Leone | 2004/10/30

Maybe you have vaginismus, in which case you will need to make an appointment with a sexologist or a clinical psychologist specializing in sexual problems.

Reply to Leone
Posted by: ppee | 2004/10/30

not sure what you mean? if you've had sex, you're no longer a virgin. there is no such thing as "your virginity", its not literal.

make sure you're sufficiently aroused and lubricated (using ky jelly may help). if you're still sore, see your gynae.

Reply to ppee

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