Posted by: Thembi | 2007/12/03

Violent Upbringing (counselors and CS)

I was brought up in a violent home where there was constant fighting between mother and father, sons (dad and uncle) and father and the brothers etc etc etc

How do you think this could impact me now as an adult in a relationship?

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Our expert says:
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There are a great many different ways in which such experiences might impact on you, there are no rules that set down how you MUST be affected by them. So the real question would be about you, personally --- how has it affected YOU ? It doesn't necessarily afect your relationships, though it could make you more cautious, and perhaps less able to handl;e conflict if and when it arose within a relationship. Seeing a good local counsellor might help you to sort this oput and be better prepared for happier relationships

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Our users say:
Posted by: anon | 2007/12/03

Thembi if you want CS to read and reply to your reply above, you need to post it as a new fresh post.

It sounds as if you carry a lot of anger. Growing up in a dysfunctional home does have an impact on children. I would suggest you go for counselling to help deal with ambiguous behaviour. It must be very confusing for you right now, as soon as they become serious you push them away...whether this is subconsciously or whether you feel you don't deserve to be loved and happy. From what you saw in your home, you couldn't trust and the violence anger etc. must have made you feel rather insecure. There was never a steady calm home life.

You need to first love yourself before you will be able to love another person. From your past there must be a lot of resentment, hurt etc. that needs healing and forgiveness.

Are you in touch with your feelings, are you able to write about them, start journalling. Its extremely therapuetic.

Good luck and take care!

Reply to anon
Posted by: THembi | 2007/12/03

Relationships are really difficult for me when they begin to get more serious and i have a really bad temper.

I find it difficult to love and appreciate the person closest to me.

Reply to THembi

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