Posted by: Happy | 2009/04/08

Very demanding 3 year old

CS , i hope you could shed some light on this. My 3yr old son ( 2nd born) is driving me nuts! I honestly dont know how to deal with him. I have tried listening and tellling him what i hear he is saying and being SUPER patient when i feel like tearing my hair out and distracting him. He is super stubbourn and he wants what he wants NOW. He has been waking up at 3o clock in the morning asking for yoghurt.
I love him to bits , he is very loving and generous with his love , but most of the time he is difficult to please. No matter what we do. I get that i am part of this problem , but i have lost objectivity to this and need some clear direction. I was even considering going to therapy with him like a play therapist , for me more than him. ANY ADVICE WOULD BE APPRECIATED.

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Our expert says:
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It sometimes seems as though 3-year-olds, like young cats, are specifically designed to test our mental health and patience. And his 3 am demand for yogurt sounds very like a young cat. Can you leave a small amount o yogurt near his bed, so he can help himself ? Or is it actually the attention he wants ?
And remember the old but effective tactic for dealing with negativity andd stubbornness. When , for instance, it's time for him to go to bed, don't argue about that, but about which toy or book or whatever he will take with him to bed. When it's time to get dressed, don't argue about whether he'll put on a shirt, but about whether it'll be the red or green shirt he will put on. If it sounds an important issue, and you seem to be leaning towards green, h could be very satisfied to insist on the red, and either way, he gets to put a shirt on.
But also, as Me says ( do I sound very self-satisfied if I agree with Me ? ) don't try so hard to be endlessly patient, bu set up a simple system of discipline ( as shown on DSTV in Little Angels, SuperNanny, etc ). Basic simple unambiguous rules, such as don't wake Mom except for real emergencies, and the basics of dressing, washing, and accepting what there is rather than always getting what he wants. His making a tantrum leads, as explained to him, to time in a naughty room or spot, for 4 minutes, and back there if he hasn't calmed down abd isn't ready to apologise and move ahead. A chart with stars for every time he conspicuously keeps to an important rule, with rewards for every 10 or so stars, and with Black marks for every infringement, losing a star for every one of those.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2009/04/08

Dissipline him.....that is the only anwer

3 year olds (any kid as a matter of fact) can be very manipulative. You need to be firm and say NO. No is no....give it a few days and he will get the picture.

You need to be firm though.

He is obvioulsy ruling you and sees that he is successful at this.

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