Posted by: Fed Up | 2011/03/29

Very Demanding 16 Year old

Doc please assist if anyone can even help. My girl is 16 years old and very demanding. It''s her way or no way. Now I know it''s the teenage hormones and all, but really I do not fall for that crap anymore. In Jan, she demanded we go for her ID, she turned 16 in Dec, I know we must do it, but it could have waited a month or so. Well we did it coz she can go on and on. She wanted a job, I managed to find her one, didn''t like it and left coz that is not for her. No problem. We went to the mall near us and she found something else and training starts from today. But every time she had to go for interviews and all, she HAD to go with someone. Extra money we had to fork out coz they took the local taxis. Last night she said we must go drop her off this morning as she cannot go on her own and get in a taxi or even walk as it is very close to us. We only have one car and we still need to drop off my other child at the creche and me and hubby needs to get to work ON TIME. When we left her at the mall, she wanted us to drop her off further down the road coz IT IS STILL SO EARLY. Does not consider NO ONE ELSE. We were not early, in fact after we dropped her, we had to take an alternative route as the traffic was horrific. We were still on time for work, but everything is a issue with her. She back chats and when she is in the mood for her younger sister than it is fine, if she''s not up to her, than her younger sister MUST STAY AWAY from her. There''s days when she herself goes on like a baby, but when it suits her than she wants to be the adult. She stay''s bored at home, but when I say get friends than they not her type. All over she goes, I must go with her. I understand we not living in the safest country, but heaven, when is she gonna learn and become independent. Besides all this, she always makes an issue out of everything. Even when we go shopping, she wants to stay in one isle for so long and when I call her, than it''s a issue. In fact everything and I mean everything is such a big issue and when I talk, she tell me to chill and all that crap. I sometimes feel like killing her and I am very serious. Even when we give her chores, issue, her room looks like a pig sty. When we talk about it, WE MUST CHILL.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

It sounds as if you are feeling pushed to the limit reagarding your teenager acting out! I refer to it as acting out as it appears as if she is showing you her emotions through her behaviour. You don't say but I am wondering if there are no other siblings that in some way having a much younger sister is making her feel pushed out. We often expect 16 year olds to be increasingly independent, but what her behaviour seems to be indicating is that she is trying to tell you that she still needs you, and possibly resents how much attention goes towards your younger daughter. It is important to remember that 16 year olds are still in many ways children and need a lot of support and nurturance.

When possible I would suggest you try and have time alone with her where you both go and do something she would enjoy. However, in terms of doing chores this can be linked to pocket money or other things you consider to be privileges.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: PUSH | 2011/04/26

I AM NOT ALONE, please help more.

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Posted by: Extra Help''s Son | 2011/04/15

I can vouch personally for Extra Help''s advice :P

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Posted by: Extra help | 2011/04/15

My pleasure! :o)

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Posted by: Fed Up | 2011/04/15

Wow Extra Help. You just opened my eyes. Thanks man.

Reply to Fed Up
Posted by: extra help | 2011/04/15

Her demanding behaviour is very linked to unmet needs. As parents and role models we need to listen to our children''s needs in general but I find it more so with teenagers.
Expectations is the best recipe to disappointment. Your daughter is obviously showing signs of maturity and her enthusiasm to get her ID book as well as a job is very much her way to show that she is growing up, BUT she still needs you very much and is still DEPENDENT on you for many things. If you cannot handle this dependence, you should look rather at the issues that make you feel this way.
Sometime the best we can do is listen to what our teenagers have to say and when she tells you to chill, she may have a very valid point!
When parenting teenagers you are not parenting a little child anymore and we must look at creating a better communication. Teenagers are especially demanding because they are experiencing so many changes in their life and although they are " hungry"  for independence, it can also be very daunting as they haven''t got the experience necessary to face all these new situations and challenges.
I just have 2 key advices: Patience and unconditional love.
When you say you sometime feel like killing her, I am sure that you do not transpire patience or unconditional love at that time. How do you think this makes her feel?

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