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Question
Posted by: Sammy | 2005/07/07

Very Confused

I need both a man and womans perspective on my problem which I'm very confused about and dont know what to do. I met this guy a couple of months ago, we started out as friends and ended sleeping together which we still are. We speak on the phone every single day - communication is not a problem as we speak about eveything and anything and could go on for hours. We saw each other regularly until recently. Lately his been withdrawn and doesnt really speak to me, when I ask him a question he doesnt have an outright answer. I asked him if there was someone else and he told me that he didnt need someone else because I'm everything he wants. On Monday he told me that he was going through very bad personal problems etc and that it was not something that he wanted to discuss because his family is involved. I respect this as I really dont want to get involved in family issues. Even though he has been distant we still speak daily but we havent seen each other since Sunday. Yeasterday he asked me if we could cool down the relationship as it was going to fast and with all the family problems he doesnt think that he would be able to see me as much as he used to but we will speak everyday. He asked me to wait for him until all the problems are sorted out, the only problem is he says is that he doesnt know for how long I will have to wait. He also said that he is not sure if after the problems are sorted that he wants to have a sexual relationship with me and he would probably prefer it if we are only friends. Once again I asked if there was someone else and he said that I could ask any of friends , family etc and that there isnt. He said his problems are becoming overwhelming and a sexual relationship at this point is to much and although we are emotionally attached, the feelings between us will grow and he doesnt want to hurt my feelings. He said that we will see each other now and then and that he wouldnt sleep with me. All we'll do is talk. The problem with me is that I've fallen in love with him and I dont know what to do. The question is do I wait for him until he sorts himself out, or do I carry on with my life. The other question is it possible for a man to sleep with a woman on a regular basis and suddenly decide that he wont sleep with her anymore even though he says that he still wants her.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What you describe sounds a perfectly possible scenario, and he may well need and deserve the time and space to deal with what sounds like a serious and troubling family problem. And for him to decide that a sexual relattionship is more than he could handle at this stage, is believable, and probably wise for both of you. Maybe you should agree to being a friend ( if you want to ), and carry on with your life. By the time he has sorted things out in his life, either you'll still be available and will still want him as a friend, or you may be fully occupied elsewhere.
And to the second question, yes, it is possible, though probably not commonplace.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cas | 2005/07/08

different perspective at this point i think that the foundation of your relationship started well however the issue is sex. you should communicate with him as whether you are willing to wait for him to sort out his problems. my advise would be give him space. i believe he still regard you as a good friend and that's were you started and needed to establish before having sex with him. you are now emotionally attached to him which is expected and you need to be firm to him about your position and be honest.

Reply to cas
Posted by: Deubel | 2005/07/08

He got what he wanted. The excitement has worn off. He will only come back when he needs more.

You are better off without this guy as he was only using you.

Reply to Deubel
Posted by: RE | 2005/07/07

Sammy, please give him some space and some time to deal with his problems as he said they are overwhelming. I think he does love you and at the moment it is a bad timing. I know because I nearly broke up with my boyfriend because of being overwhelmed by personal problem. He wanted to help me but I was pushing him away cos I didn´t want to involve him. I focused more on my problems and he felt that i was ignoring him...at that time I couldn´t deal with my problems and also my love affair, it was too much.... so let the guy deal with his problem alone he will come when he is sorted and things will be back to normal soon.... Good Luck

Reply to RE

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