Posted by: S | 2004/11/17

Very Confused


I had been in a very fulfilling relationship and we broke up two months ago, he also said that he is not sure if we can be together again as lovers besides being friends but he calls now and then to say hi. Now the confusion begins, when he decided on breaking up because of rumours spread about me and him cheating on each other and a friend confronting me about him having thousands of affairs (none of this are true), I reacted badlly (sent him a nasty email expressing my disappointments, i did not think ) , he got so hurt by that email and all this time I thought we broke up because of the email but then again it does not make much sense,the contents of the email were not deep at all.....he calls now and then to say hi but I he is punishing me for the hurt I've caused, he always makes me feel guilty for that and always makes sure that I remeber what I've done despite the thousand apologies.This morning when we spoke, I told him I miss him he says he misses me too and he needs us to meet soon, he will make time for us. now I don't understand that since there is no us anylonger, how am I to handle this because I still love him and I know he loves me too. (he is the one calling all the time)
Am I just being paranoid or is there a chance for us?

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Our expert says:
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S, learn from this experience. Even though it may be too late to go back to the situation that existed before you allowed some other malicious person to screw up your relationsip wit this guy, you can learn lessons to apply in future to ensure this can't happen again.
DO think before you act such as sending an angry e-mail. One of the problems with email is that it is so easy to ratle it off and sent it. In the Good Old Days, you had to put pen to paper, take the time to write it, fold it, find an envelope, find a stamp, and this all gave you far more time to cool off and think about it again. It's worth making a special folder in your email-program for storing messages you have written, but need time to think about before sending off.

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Our users say:
Posted by: PARIS | 2004/11/17

I think there is a chance for you. Email is just a wrong form of communication, especially since it was such a sensative issue. You should have expressed your disappointments to him face to face. But we all do it. I do it too because i dont express myself very well face to face. But i have learnt now with my boyfreind that if there's a problem we discuss it together in a room and we come to a solution.

I think he is trying to play hard ass now. He probably was very hurt by the way you handeled it, and thought it would be best if you broke. But perhaps now he is coming to realize that you made a mistake, and also realize that he loves you.

I would suggest you asking him this when you meet with him. Not over the telephone, and not over email.

Dont give up on him until you meet and find out how he feels.

And good luck.


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