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Question
Posted by: Miss | 2004/11/15

used?

What does it mean if someone is using you. My boyfriend stays with me over weekends - does this mean he is using me. He has now asked me to keep score at his cricket matches to get me involved - does this mean he is using me? We have bought a house together because on our own, we would never have got the bond - does this mean he is using me? I am getting different opinions from everyone - I need some kind of clarity on these issues.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This doesn't sound much like "using". He stays with you over weekends --- is that miserably horrible for you and pure joy for him ? Or do you two enjoy parts of the weekend ? He suggests that you get involved with his cricket, and keep score --- is that bad ? Wouldn't it be more enjoyable for you to share some of his hobby of crcket, rather than have that area of his life ( perfectly reasonable to have a hobby ) completely separated from you ?
As Inc wisely says, the questions are different/ Does he care about you ? Does he take you for granted and always ignore what you want and how you feel, and think solely of himself ? Does he reasonably plan for this relatonship to contibnue and be happy for both of you ?
Buying a house together must mean a long-term committment to each other, or the financial and other problems would be large.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/16

Hi Missy,

I agree with both response above. I would also say that you seem to have been concerned by the differing opinions you are getting & as a result this has made you a bit confused.
In one way buying a house together may have been a good investment. In the other way, do you "expect" commitment from him because of this deal. Anyway, to try & lessen the confusion you are presently experiencing, may I ask you how you felt about this situation before all these opinions were thrown your way? Did you feel secure in this deal? Is there equal sharing of the expenses between your'll?

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: CK | 2004/11/15

You bought a house together???? A bond takes about 20 years to be paid up....is he planning to marry you anytime soon...starying over weekends doesnt mean he is using you, but I think you need to know if he is intending to tie the knot and have a family.

Reply to CK
Posted by: Inc | 2004/11/15

He is using you if he takes you for granted, if he has no real intentions with you, if he has no real feelings for you. Staying over weekends, buying a house together and asking you to keep score of cricket matches does not mean that he is using you... if his feelings for you are real.

Reply to Inc

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