Posted by: PP | 2007/06/18

Urgent Advise Please!!!!

Help doc. My boyfriend has had a traumatic experience over the past few months. He got divorced december (they were seperated for a year prior to the divorce) During december his daughter had an attempted suicide, but she survived. She has been threatening ever since to take her life again. He had a complete nervous breakdown recently and was hospitalised for 2 weeks. He was planning on moving in with me this coming Wednesday. This morning early he called to tell me that his SON had committed suicide last night. What do i do. He is now at his ex wifes house and I respect the fact that mom and dad has to be together for the loss of their son. How can I be there for him. I cannot go to the ex wifes house, and i am horrified that he might be so overwhelmed that he could end up taking his own life because of this. I called his therapist this morning, explaining the situation. It is hell to me as i want to be there with him during this time, but on the other hand i understand that him and the mother has to be together. where does this leave me, how do i handle this situation, what do i tell him, what can i do.

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Our expert says:
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Its hard to imagine what was going wrong within his family, that one child should have committed suicide, and the other attempted it, within months of the divorce. You don't mention the children's ages, which might help understand. One worries that they must surely have been obviously distressed, and should have been in therapy already. The daughter will now be even further distressed, and must be seen by and cared for by a psychiatrist asap.
As for how you can "be there for him", make it clear to him that you care, and want to help --- but ask him to let you know when and how you can do so.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Mary | 2007/06/19

You are the woman in his life and you have the right and obligation to support him. He cannot stay at his ex wife's place for ever and when he comes back, then you make sure that you are there for him.

Also, remember that it is her lost as well, so if you are an innocent party in their divorce, then convey your sincere condolences to her as well. That could also be a good opportunity to make the relationship between you better and to visit her house and see if your man is ok.

Always a good idea to be the least and use the situation to better your relationship with her as well - for the sake of all future events e.g. funeral etc,

Reply to Mary
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/06/18

That's just awful! The poor man!

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Posted by: PP | 2007/06/18

The ex is a giant manipulator, and she hates me with a passion as she divorced him to make a point, he then started dating me a few months ago and said he decided to make it work with me. As i said this was suppose to happen wednesday. His therapist told me to sms him telling him that i am there for him, and leave it at that. He also thanked me for calling him, and said he would phone my boyfriend and speak to him, as i told him i dont think he is gonna cope with this one.

Reply to PP
Posted by: Maria | 2007/06/18

Oh PP, that is so sad. What did the therapist say? A lot will depend on the relationship between your bf and his ex, and what she thinks of you. Do you think they can really support each other? Perhaps you should suggest to him that he takes a bit of a break from being with her and take him out for coffee or something, just to be with him. I also suggest you talk to him or at least sms him to find out if he is ok every few hours. If you are really worried about his state of mind, ask him to promise you he won't harm himself without talking to you first. Hang in there, he is lucky to have you and will definitely need your support.

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