Posted by: Lindz | 2009/04/08


Hi Doc and everyone on the forum,

I' m staying with my boyfriend, our little babygirl and my youger sisterwhose looking after the baby. We moved to a 2 bed apartment for 6 months contract, my sister doesn' t have a bed so i told my BF that I want to buy a bed for MS. So he wasn' t that happy, he said i' m going to waste money and we are going to move in a few months time i' m going toneed a deposit for a new place. And he said its my decision i have to do what i see its right. I bought it on Monday, when he got home i told him he just keep quite never said a word, he keeps on being moody all night and i asked him whats wrong he just keeps quite. Now he doesn' t talk to me he' s angry i don' t know why, i' m not sure if its the bed or what. Yesterday when he got home he didn' t say anything to me he just greet my sister and the baby without saying a word to me till this morning. I don' t know what to say or to ask, the silence kills me inside cause i don' t know whats going on. Should i at least ask him over the phone before we see each other at home?


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Our expert says:
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Maybe it's about the bed, and now simply in a selfish way, but because it may, in his view, interfere with the plans for the new place you meant to share. But also, such strong reations to a single incident, often reflect a broader issue. It can be useful to apologise, not for bying the bed --- that was your decision to make --- but expressing your regret that this seems to have upset him so much ( so, actually, you'd be talking about how he reacted rather than what you decided ). I'm not sure that it would help to ask him over the phone, as that's more impersonal, and you're going to be together this-evening, anyway.
Really raises some good points. Some things, like the bed, will ultimately be your decision to make, but maybe he needs to fel that you respect his point of view more. And, if you are as a couple, going to need someone, your sister or someone else, to babysit, then wouldn't they need a bed of their own ? Maybe even more so if not your sister ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: LINDZ | 2009/04/08

Thanx Really, he sugested that my sister come and stay with us and she can even look after the baby. but i' ll try to speak to him tonight even if i don' t know where to start.

Reply to LINDZ
Posted by: Really | 2009/04/08


I say, wait till you get home.. it' s always adviseable to talk about these kind of issues face to face.

Question, did the two of you discuss who will be taking care of the baby before you took in your sister as the baby sitter? If you didn' t maybe he might feel as though you are doing things without consulting him, also considering that you bought the bed even after he suggested you don' t... he needs to reason with you though, even if it was not your sister taking care of the baby, they still would need a bed to sleep on....

But the only way you will know what is upsetting him is by speaking to him.. and rather do it now as in later today, rather than later otherwise it will become a bigger issue.

Just ask him politely, when it is only the two of you why he is giving you the silent treatment..

All the best.

Reply to Really

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