Posted by: Gretha | 2005/12/01

Upset and hurt by cold shoulder

I have not heard from my brothers ex-wife and since I had a baby. Before this we did not see each other that much but kept in touch. She was at my wedding(quite a few years after the divorce) and my nephew was the ringbearer. We used to see each other for birthday and Christmas. She also came to my baby shower and was very friendly saying that my nephew couldn't wait to see his baby cousin but since I had my baby she has not bothered to phone once. What is the reason for this? I can't think of any reason except that she is remarried now and perhaps wants nothing to do with this side of the family which doesn't really make sense. I know I should phone her personally but I have only manged to get the courage to sms and e-mail her. She did reply to the initial e-mails and said she would try visit us but she hasn't since then.

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Our expert says:
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I don't know how realistic it is to expect to here from other people's ex's --- it's whatever your personal relationship with her was, that should decide what to expect from her. Any number of things could be complicating her own life right now, and delaying her responses or contacs with you.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2005/12/01

As she is a mother herself, perhaps she is waiting for you to suggest a date and time around your and baby's schedule, as she knows how difficult it is with a baby, and how annoying visitors are - no matter how close they are, if they haven't washed the dishes they should have left after 5 minutes.

Also, if she has just got re-married then she will be putting a lot of time and effort into this relationship so she might not want to meet up just yet.

Send another e-mail with an actual date and time to meet. If she blows you off again then you know you should forget her as a long term friend.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/12/01

I think phoning her is a good idea. Just to find out how she's doing, and the children, and to tell her that you were thinking of her. You'll know how to handle things from then on.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/12/01

This person obviously means a lot to you, so pick up the phone and call her.
There is no other way to find out and assuming that she doesn't want anything to do with you is not very comforting, maybe she's just busy?

Give her a call, it's personal and intimate and shows you care. Then leave the ball in her court to make sure that she does in fact, want you in her life!

No time like the present, get on that phone, now!


Reply to ~Wings~
Posted by: Frusty | 2005/12/01

Well, Gretha, I think maybe she is doing what she needs to do to get her new marriage on a solid footing. It must be very hard for her to be friends with her ex-husband's family. Try to look at it from her perspective. Give her a bit of time and maybe she will get in touch with you when she feels the time is right.

Reply to Frusty

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