Our expert says:
I am certain that you can be helped. But the first step towards sorting out the complex situation you are describing, would be for you to see a good local psychiatrist, in private practice or at the nearest Medical sSchool or major provincial hoospital / clinic, for a full and proper assessment. Only with the results of such an assessment, and a diagnosis, can one usefully consider treatment options. This would provide you with someone from whom you had no need to hide the emptiness, or anything else. From your description, this might indeed be a Bipolar Disorder, which should respond well to treat, including medications such as antidepressants for the depressed lows, and perhaps one or more mood-stabilizers than help to limit those unpleasant swings from high to low.
Come back to the forum later and tell us what the psychiatrist found and advised. Work with the right expert help, and be patient, and before too long you could be feeling substantially better
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