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Posted by: ~Wings~ | 2005/12/01

Update on my posting - 11643 - Ex moving in with his mom...

Well all those that read my posting 11643 will know what I'm referring to, and i wanted to let you know whats happening with this situation..........

After much frustration and concern my fiancee sat me down and assured me that he wouldn't go to his mom's house without me, if at all, and that he doesn't feel what she is doing is respectful or wise.
It is however, his mothers decision, to invite whomever she wants into her home, it doesn't mean we have to like it or accept it either!

Problem is that his mom has now told us that we're being immature about the whole thing, I don't think this is about maturity at all, but more a case of not wanting to see and ex and be forced to face the past, for what??? This is all about his mother and what makes her feel good, she hasn't considered us at all.
She has now gone to far as to say that seeing that he doesn't accept her in her home, she will cut all ties with him. I think thats really heavy and not a good reflection of what a mother should be.

Wheres the support? This is killing my fiancee inside because he doesn't want to lose his mom, but to be honest I can see both sides and still think we have the right to accept or decline the invitation to be involved with his ex. Why should we be forced to do something we dont' want to. It's unnessary strain that we're not prepared to accept!

~Wings~

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Youre surely right, ~Wings, that this is not at all about maturity or immaturity. She is being simply thoughtless and selfish and not considering either of you at all. And when she speaks of cutting ties, she is placing this opportunistic Ex above her own child, which is not at all wholesome. I don't think he'll lose his mom over this, in the end. She is trying to manipulate you, and if you two stand firm, she'll revise her decisions. And she is likely to find the Ex not so angelic when living fulltime with her.
As Buzz says, make it clear that she will remain very welcome in your home., if she visits on her own.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Jemma | 2005/12/01

I really think it's the mom who's being immature not you guys. You decided to not tell the mother what to do and who to invite. Why can't she do the same and let you make your own decisions on how to handle the matter.

As Buzz say, let her know that you 2 still love her dearly but that you going to keep a low profile for a while till things settle down.

Who knows, in a week or two you might feel different about the whole thing.

Good luck and don't let this lady make you do things you feel uncomfortable with.

Reply to Jemma
Posted by: Buzz | 2005/12/01

How very sad Wings. I believe his mother is substituting her late daughter, with your fianceé's ex girlfriend. In the process, she's losing her (live) son. His mother made the choice of cutting all ties. Accept it, in time, she'll come around. It's not because of you or your fianceé, it's because of her own pain and trying to fix things (not realizing she's causing more damage).

Always welcome her into your home, be loving to her (like you used to), but rather don't visit her while the ex girlfriend stays there.

Good luck!

Reply to Buzz

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