Posted by: kylee | 2005/07/15

Update on kylee again, bad night...

Hi helpers, which Im very grateful indeed.
You were right, sleep deprivation is getting to me.. I had another sleepless night last night, not one minute due to the fact that I had a years work Of Biology to learn since I miss so much school (from being sick from ED) its really hard for me to understand all the work. My exam was five hours today, my eyes were shutting on me but it's too late. I know now sleep is needed and this is indeed unhealthy. yet my eating has improved a bit... not as many binges as I think my new dose of topamax is kicking in... ( it was lowered and my eating got bad again) Topamax works for me. And melissa proved to me that simply one day I will just get tired of all this, Eating disorders are so a thing of the 90's.. they're not in fashion anymore. She's skinny and she eats.

Last night was terrible, I confronted my mom about why she lies to me about going through my stuff/reads my stuff and taking personal stuff away from me, and why she is been incompetent in helping me and why she tells me to becareful of what I tell people (like Melissa) yet why should I, its not as if i can talk to her about anything? I confonted her about why she cant tell the rest of the family the truth.. is it cos she is ashamed of me and whats happening in my life?? I let my feelings out. Then she turned the situation around saying that I have a messed up life and that Im a liar cos of something I lied about in April and that Im not working hard enough for these exams and that I dont care about her. I was ONLY TRYING TO sort things out?? She just lashed out my mistakes which I have already apologised for. Then when I got angry I refused to take my vitamins from her, I wanted to get better on my own, not with her help because I was so angry... an d then she got my dad involved and told him I was stealing money from her and not taking medication and was treating her badly, so my dad said if I treat my mom like that he'll slap me, So I told my dad that my mom had been lying to him, and then he said... kylee, Come here, Im gonna slap you, then I said, so what then, SLAP ME< and he did... right accross the face!

God, NO work was able to sink into my head after that.So biology went terribly today, but I tried. I spoke to Melissa this morning, she said she'll take me for an AIDS test.. it's something that should be done to get my mind at ease, especially if Im losing sleep over it and if my mom is choosing to ignore it. Im staying in my brothers granny flat above the garage, we're extremely close. I cant stand seeing my mom, especially when she just screamed at me for saying I thought I did badly in Biology, cos I didnt work hard enough.. but I did, I tried my best.....
What a mess??? But Im better than the drama, Im jusy gonna focus on my work and be with the people I want to be with for now, but life becomes hell if things aren't right with your mother.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hi kylee,
Maybe it wsn't too brilliant an idea to choose the night before an exam to confront your mom about anything, whatever the temptation ? Maybe wait till afterwards ? And similarly, you need vitamins --- take them from her, the busdriver, or the guy packing groceries at the supermarket, so long as you take them. Stop hurting yourself in order to hurt her.
Your conclusion makes more sense --- look after yourself, focus on work, and good people, and don't expct your mother to put things eight for you, it sounds as if she's not coping that well, herself. Sounds like she's psychologically anemic, and you're expecting a transfusion from her. Choose fitter donors.
Good luck with the rest of the exams

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Our users say:
Posted by: . | 2005/07/15

ag shamepies life just aint fair is it?

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