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Posted by: Seh | 2004/11/02

Update: ex or current boyfriend?????? Please help

Thanks for all your great responses and thanks for the great advise Shaun.
Last night my ex phoned me and now wants to go for coffee, today he is swearing at me again! my current boyfriend is fighting with me about washing flipping dishes. Between the two of them I feel like I am losing my mind!
My ex says he is confused and frustrated and he is confusing me and I feel so out of control. I dont know how to walk away I still love him and I know in my mind that he is not good for me, but I feel as though a part of me s missing without him. I was with him for four years and I dont know how to let that go!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Seh, don't lose your mind, or anything else. Keep a good grip on them. Juggling relatonships with two people is bound to be complex and difficult. Sounds like you're all confusing each other. See a counsellor so you can examine all the options in sufficient detail to make a wise decision, and to plan the best way to carry out whatever decision you make.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: TV | 2004/11/02

Girl, you have no boudaries.

Reply to TV
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/02

Hey Seh,

Yes, it does make sense. I think we all may be guilty of that more often than we care to admit.
I am glad of your decision though, & I do think you'll work it out to your advantage.
It means a lot to take time out for yourself coz things have a way of piling up & eventually catching up with you. Then it makes it more difficult coz it all gets you at once.

Thanx for your kind words Seh, & remember, take care of your first, always!!!

Regards,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Seh | 2004/11/02

Hi Shuan (again)
In answer to your question...
I think I put eveyone elses needs ahead of mine because I feel like I need to look after everyone else so that I dont have to deal with what is going on in my own life, like it is my escape from myself and allowing myself to feel what I really feel. Maybe I am afraid of what I will find? Dont know if it makes sense?

Reply to Seh
Posted by: Seh | 2004/11/02

Hi Shaun,
Thanks for the reply and excellent advise you keep giving! I agree with you 100% and I think I just needed someone to point out to me that I already had the answers all along! Your inspirational messages are great! I think time for me and away from both of them is what I really need to discover again who I am and what I want!

Reply to Seh
Posted by: Shaun | 2004/11/02

Hi Seh,

Wise words above here!!! Use them as you need.

I would like to ask though; Why do you think/feel that others needs/wants are more important than yours??? Can you answer that for me, & yourself...?

See, I feel the thing is that he maybe playing with your mind, coz he seems to know that he can, & you also seem to be allowing him to.

Really speaking Seh, you've answered all your own questions in your posting, just read them carefully. You don't trust him. He's lied so much. He's cheated. You think it won't work. You don't think it's the right thing to do. You don't think things will be the same again.... Can you see the pattern? You have all these doubts, yet you don't seem to think you count. It seems like you would rather try to make them happy. At the moment the only person losing here is you. Emotionally you are being taxed big time.

I feel you really should take some time out from everything & everyone, for a short while. I situation where nobody may be allowed you "infect" your thoughts.

After this, hopefully you may have come to a decision, & if you do, then please resolve to be determined & committed to whatever choice you make. People can change, but only if they're willing to, & also, sometimes they just need a chance to prove themselves. My personal opinion is that I don't think this is the case with your ex as he is still hanging on to his current girlfriend.

Come on girl, you need to think of you & what matters to you. You should consider that in your hesitation to make your decision, or choice, you are in a way stifling yourself, & YOU are more important than anybody else.

Hey, you might even end up not chosing to be with either of these guys, but the most important thing is that it must be totally your decision. Then & only then will you get what you want out of the whole deal.

I wish you luck Seh, coz it seems you having a real hard time deciding. Sometimes all it needs is just the first step. Always take your needs/wants into consideration first.

Take care,
Shaun

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Seh | 2004/11/02

Hi CP Mom, I am not the one not wanting to walk away, he is costantly telling me how much he loves me and how he wants us to try and get back together again but I dont know if its the right thing for me? This is why I don't know how and if I should walk away from this...
I dont know if it will ever work again because he has lied and cheated so much before, I know he is making an effort now but it still doesnt change that I dont know if I could ever trust him again or if things could ever be the same?!?

Reply to Seh
Posted by: CP MOM | 2004/11/02

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you: let them walk.

I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.

The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19] People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go!

And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead.

You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to... LET IT GO!

If you are holding on to past hurts and pains... LET IT GO!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth... LET IT GO!
If someone has angered you... LET IT GO!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge... LET IT GO!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET IT GO!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents... LET IT GO!
If you have a bad attitude... LET IT GO!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him... LET IT GO!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship... LET IT GO!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves... LET IT GO!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed... LET IT GO!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you need to... LET IT GO!



Reply to CP MOM

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