Posted by: Dolly | 2007/12/06

Update: Am I being selfish or?

Remember I wrote you you 2 weeks ago, I discovered that I was pregnant and I wanted to terminate the pregnancy without my husband's knowledge. I went to Marie Stopes but I couldnt do it but then I told my husband the truth. He sounded supportive then but things are not good btwn us. Reason being all of a sudden he's got a tendency of watching soccer with friends whereas he used to stay in the house with me. It has become a habit and I stopped him and now he threatens to move out by the end of this month. I stil dont have a problem with that, but now my biggest challenge we have a small baby and Im 16 weeks pregnant. I dont want to hold him back b'coz of the kids but I want what's best for my kids. I want him to take responsibility of his kids, what I had in mind is that he contributes at least R3000 towards the household expenses until he decides what he wants with his life.

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Our expert says:
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In law, he has to take responsibility for his kids, and share the costs of doing so, fairly, with you. Discuss the situation in detail with someone at the local Magistrate's Maintenance Court, for the legal advice you need here.

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Our users say:
Posted by: was there | 2007/12/07

change yourself. This has to come first. Anything that goes wrong in a marriage is often the result of neglect or wrong-doing on the part of BOTH partners, and that includes you. Wrong attitudes of self-centeredness, impatience, stubbornness, bossiness, jealousy, pride, bigotry, short-temperedness, untruthfulness etc. are attitudes that need to be changed. Do not look at the flaw(s) in your partner but ignore your own. Sincerely ask your partner what areas of attitude, behavior and lifestyle he or she would like you to change. Humble yourself and listen to your partner with an open mind. Do not think about what your partner should do or the changes he or she should make. Focus on changing yourself first. If you need help in changing yourself, seek help from close friends and from your partner. Be accountable to a small group of trusted friends if need be.
By the looks of things I personally think you are confused.Remember if you keep on following process, then you get the same results.Thinking while emotional is not going to help.

Reply to was there
Posted by: anon | 2007/12/07

Dolly sounds like firstly you need to know your legal rights, see a lawyer.

Secondly wouldn't it be possible to try and salvage what you have at present and encourage your man to accompany you for marriage counselling.

There are other options, like adoption, if you can not cope with another baby.

Websites like www dot birthright dot co dot za and www dot privateadoptions dot co dot za is worth a visit.

Right now your hormones are in turmoil, besides having a small baby, is rather tiring.

Hope you get the necessary support and consider all your options before making hasty decisions you might regret later.

Reply to anon

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