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Question
Posted by: Twanette | 2004/10/14

Unwanted?

Why do I sometimes feel unwanted and neglected by my b/f.

Is it so much to ask for a little affection and love every now and then.

I really wonder if this realtionship can work, I know he loves me, but he shows it in ways that does not matter to me e.g. Dinners, a rose every now and then.

But my craving is for the physical love, to be touched and adoured.

We have spoken about this and I have spoken about this on the forum, a lot of people think I am being very unthankful and unappreciative but what must I do about this feeling inside me that hearts so much!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello Twanette,
No it's not too much to ask. Is he being unwanting and neglectful ? But remember my old point about couple who speak different languages. maybe he shows his love in the way he can, though tis isn't exactly the way you'd prefer ? Have you discussed this affectionately with him, so he can understand what you most enjoy.
And by the way, in what ways do you show HIM that you love him ? And good responses from the others, too.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: JJG | 2004/10/14

My personal feeling is that love conquers all, and if someone you love asks for something that would help them, would you say "oops, no, sorry I can't help it"?
Have you told him that you need these signs of loving affection? My husband also hates the 'lovey-dovey-touchy-feely' stuff, as he calls it. But I tell him, I communicate through action - I hug and touch as a sign of love, and if I am to understand love back I need the same communication too. Look, it's not easy if they're not naturally physically affectionate, and I can feel him tense a little sometimes when I hug him in public, but then he asks for my understanding in difficult situations and I do everything I can to do this. Love is a 2-way game. Make a concession and be aware of it and at least TRY - for love. If my hubby can, believe me, it's not impossible.

Reply to JJG
Posted by: A | 2004/10/14

I am in the opposite situation where my husand craves the affection part - touching, cuddling, kissing etc and I have a mental block against doing this - every now and again he lashes out at me (verbally) saying that I dont love him and that maybe we should split because I never show affection towards him. Its very unfair - I do love him but simply dont "show" it in the way he wants it - he knew this when he married me.
so from your side dont think he doesnt love you - he does, and dont be too hard on him when he doesnt show you affection in the way you want it - it really hurts when someone tells you they will look elsewhere for it when you know in your heart that you do love that person.

Reply to A

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