Posted by: Cinderella | 2003/12/08

unusual querie

Please don't laugh, my “problem” is that when I go shopping for clothes, I ALWAYS shop for my kids or my sister. I seldom buy for myself, or IF I do, I then feel so guilty, and then I buy one item for each child. I always have the excuse that it’s too expensive for me, but things are never expensive to buy for them. When I have to go out, then only I realise I don’t have anything nice to wear. I go shopping alone (my friend suggested this), thinking that I will buy for me, but only to find out I bought for the kids and nothing for me. It’s a good thing where I work; they don’t care what you wear as long as it is clean and presentable. I know my problem is unlike the normal ones posted, but I’m beginning to think there is something wrong with me. I think it is guilt, but why do I feel guilty?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Cinderella,
Surely now it's YOUR turn to go to the Ball ? Yes, you may be responding to some degree of guilt feelings, but we can't guess the origins of such guilt without the deep details and exploration only possible within direct, person-to-person counselling. You don't seem to recognize that you deserve care and attention, and good things like new clothes, as much as anyone else. And the kids would surely enjoy seing their mom happilly wearing something nice and new, too ? Consider counselling, and meanwhile --- why NOT take someone with you when shopping, like that friend or your sister, telling them your problem and asking them to help you discipline yourself and buy some nice things for yourself, and stop buying for the kids, who surely have enough by now ? Spoiling them with excess isn't doing them any real good.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Captured Angel | 2003/12/08

Hi Cinderella

I think you feel guilty because somehow, you don't actually believe that you deserve to spend money on yourself. You put everyone elses needs and wants before your own.

You deserve to have the nice clothing, and to feel good about how you look, and what you are wearing. It is always wonderful buying the kids things and seeing the happiness on their faces, but you do need to take care of your desires and needs as well.

I'm sure that shopping for clothes is not the only thing you are "withholding" from yourself. Take a look at your life in general and take stock of all those times when you feel other needs are more important than your own. I'm sure there are many more.

You need to love yourself and know that you deserve to have your needs and desires met!!

Best wishes.

Reply to Captured Angel
Posted by: Mona | 2003/12/08

Maybe you just love your kids very much, and want to give them the best in life, and make sure that they are happy....
Maybe you had a hard time when you were brought up, and deep down you dont want your kids to suffer like you did? I also enjoy shopping for my kids. I think all my money is spent on groceries and kids stuff!!! But i enjoy it. Once every 6 months or so i'll go out and spoil myself without thinking about it. When i get home i do think geewhizz that cost alot, buy hey, once in a while isnt a crime!! Tell your husband what you want, let him buy it then you wont feel as guilty!

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