Our expert says:
Problems can arise when reality doesn't seem to match the pre-conceived notions we have clung to. If, based on past experiences, we see assume sex to be coercive, or merely a prelude to exploitation and hurt, that's how we will react to it even when with very caring people. I guess part of the process is that when traumatized we as an emergency set up very broad rules, like : "All sex is very risky" which are functional at first in protecting us from a repeat of that hurt. But we need with time to refine those emergency definitions, so that they are less able to "protect" us from good things as well as bad ; to refine what situations with what type of people are risky enough tom warant being avoided, and what are safe enough to proceed with caution.
One of the ways one can use CBT techniques is to recognize and refine those assumptions
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