Our expert says:
Maybe, as a virgin who has just discovered the joys of sex and feels like he's invented something marvellous, he feels shy being with you, who knew him as a virgin, and awkward now that he has become sexually involved with someone else. Maybe he's not so much leaving all the decisions in your hands, as a burden, but trying to be nice, and understanding, and to go along with whatever you'd prefer ? But he sounds as if he's being selfish and not understanding about your sexual needs, at all, and you deserve better than that. There are several reasons why a woman who has not previously had sexual experience, may find it very uncomfortable ( called Dyspareunia) at first. SOmetimes the hymen is unusually thick or sensitive ; sometimes it's because the man is being clumsy, and unskilled ; sometimes psychologically the woman is sensitive because it was painful the first time she tried, and her anxiety makes the muscles in that region get very tense and tender ( called Vaginismus ). Whatever the reason, a psychiatrist or even a well-trained gynaecologist, can help to assess the situation and advise on treatment possibilities which are not complicated or unpleasant, and can almost always get things right and leave you free to enjoy the sexual aspects of your life.
f you suspect that he might be having sex with someone else, I hope you are insisting on safe sex and the use of a condom, as we dont want any risk of HIV infection to complicate matters.
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