Posted by: Confused and angry | 2004/10/20

Unhappy partner

Is it possible to stay together for 14 yrs but be unhappy for ten of them?I am in remission from breast cancer and have recently found out that my partner and father of our 2 kids had a affair for 4 mnths.When confronted he blamed me(said house was untidy,I had put on weight etc etc)He also said that he was unhappy in relationship but wanterd to try and work it out.I do love him but wonder what future we could have.Do I trust him again or just wait for him to screw around again?he is a good provider and father but do I really want to carry on with this relationship knowing that he does'nt love me/Some advise would be great

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Our expert says:
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Sounds like the usual feeble excuses for an affair. So, the house was less tidy that he wanted ? The the sensible response is to get involved in tidying it, not to have an affair, unless she provided free cleaning services as well. Sounds though like there's a good basis for you two to be able to work this all out properly --- see a marriage counsellor to make that process more efficient.

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Our users say:
Posted by: nancy | 2004/10/21

Yeah, men are the pits, when one is sick they couldn't give two hoots, they move on to greener pastures.
Honey I was in the same position, he blamed my being too fat, also I never drank nor smoked,I became so depressed that I tried killing myself,we were married for nineteen years then.
After the last OD I woke up and said that is it, let him have what he wants and I'm out.Because of the depression I lost lots of weight and started looking good.He only noticed it when I had to wear clothes four times smaller than I did before, see we tend to go into a comfort zone,taking care of the home, children and neglect ourselves.Must say he wanted me then but sadly he disgusted me because of what he had done, it hurt like hell, all I wanted was out.Today I'm not sorry that I divorced him, his now late and before he died he asked me for forgiveness and said I was a good woman and that he wassorry, gave me his blessing to remarry.Honey if you can take care of yourself dump him, it wont end there, you'll always be wondering if his seeing other woman, if he could do that to you he is not worth the ground you thread on.
Good luck now.

Reply to nancy
Posted by: Sal | 2004/10/21

Woman usually know when their husbands are messing around but usually dont want to confront it. I cant believe he is blamming you? Its so typical of a person having an affair. If you stay with this man, I hope you know he will continue sleeping with this woman. A leopard never changes his spots. Dont trust him. The worst part is he did it while you were ill.? Bastard!

Reply to Sal
Posted by: DD | 2004/10/21

C&A, firstly your hubbys excuse is exactly that he was the one who messed around not you so he needs to blame somebody but himself, typical of people when caught out they are never the guilty ones always did it for a reason other than the real one, as for forgiveness that is easy but to keep it in place is hard, maybe he did find the affair infatuating and was not able to stop himself we are all weak at times. as for your own feelings well you have been on an emotional roller coaster ride your mental state will have taken a dip so you may not feel up to or want a lot at this point in time only you can resolve this, and yes if both of you put in a 100% into making it work it will but it cannot be a partial thing then you will not succeed as both will feel they have done more than the other party to try and make it work.

Reply to DD

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