Our expert says:
I can understand how hopeful you felt at the time, but you took a bold and risky step, moving away from all your usual social supports to a new place, with someone you actually knew rather little, as we don't really know most of the people we meet on the internet. It was doubly uinwise to stop taking your antidepressants at a time of such change --- it's always best to do so only on the advice of your shrink and at a calm and stable time in your life.
It sounds as though many aspects of your life at that time b ecame increasingly risky. We indeed can do stupid things qwhen very drunk, and most of us cope by choosing to take care not to become so drunk. And of course the drinking wouldn't help depression at all. You seem to have been sadly eager to believe that other men, who you actally knew very little about, were and would be genuinely caring.
Anhow, the important thing now is NOT to whip yourself with lashings of guilt, but to learn from the errors, heal the current good relationship, and plan for the futre in a more sensible and secure way. Maybe some sessions of individual counselling could help you get your own feelings of guilt into proportion and to learn the useful lessons rather than just drawing unhelpful and inaccurate conclusions. And if more is needed, maybe some joint sessions of relationship counselling would then help both of you.
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