Our expert says:
Dear lisa confused.
The condition you describe is called Vaginismus, a condition characterised by pain, muscle spasm and consequently little enjoyment in sexual activity and limited ability to have an orgasm. Once this is established and if not resolved it can cause much psychological suffering including feelings of guilt, not feeling normal and shame. You describe very clearly the unhappy effects it has had on you and your relationship.
It is encouraging to hear that you have talked at length about this with your boyfriend and that while he is unhappy with the situation, he is nevertheless very understanding. It is important that you find a way to reconnect with your sexuality and that you do not lose this important means to expressing intimacy with your partner.
The first step is to know that there are treatments for this but you need to have reasonable expectations and give it time. The general principle of treatment is to slowly reconnect with your desire and what turns you on, perhaps starting to do this while masturbating, using whatever means you can. You then progress using your arousal as a guide from there, perhaps using toys, your partners fingers working up to penetration for short periods with the aim of your arousal being most important.
However, this is a problem that may require help as it can be stubborn and in your case present for a long time. Physiotherapists who specialise in pelvic floor problems can be very useful, as can a good sexologist. This is one of the most common problems that they deal with so I would encourage you to get the extra help and the invaluable support they would provide.
My last response, is that I don't think the size of your clitoris is totally unrelated to your problem.
SASHA. For further information please consult SASHA’S website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru. For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal
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