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Posted by: rpc | 2006/11/03

under age sex

my daughter is in gr 7 and 13. one of her close friends of same age (soon 14) rides in our lift club and has recently confessed to my daughter that she has been having sex frequently. the 1st time seems to have been a date rape (she had alcahol and suspects someone drugged her drink). she told her mother about this but nothing was done. her mom has put her on the pill. i am a social friend of her mom and find she as a very hands off approach. the friend is currently dating a guy of 23 with the consent of her mother (she is 13!!!!!!!) and they had sex 5 times in the last two weeks. i am horrified and feel like is should be doing someting. my daughter is also disgusted but feels she needs to be a friend and try to help. what do we do? this is surely if nothing else, against the law!

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Our expert says:
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Sad if this girl's mom, while realistically getting the pill for her, ignored the date rape element and made no attempt to help the girl deal with her feelings about this --- it sounds as though the mom just assumed that sex at 14 is OK or usual --- whereas it's statutory rape. Then you say this bizarre mother is consenting to her 13-year-old dating a man of 23, and hence aiding and abetting statutory rape ? This should be reported to the CHild Welfare authorities, the social services and the Police. A mother cannot possibly give consent to a criminal act. Child welfare has a duty to investigate properly, and should have the child physically examined by a doctor, which would reveal that she has been having sex, which would reveal any denials by her or her mother to be lies and prove the case.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Buzz | 2006/11/05

If the Welfare insists on this girl having an examination (against her wishes) to proof she's sexually active, isn't it too, a violation of her basic human rights?

RPC, your daughter could make an affidavit (with all the other girls who was told about this statutory raping) and then approach Child Welfare to take further action. I'm sure the SAPS will have a strong case against this mother, as she's an accomplice to rape.

I'd like to know the outcome of this problem, so let us know if you can. All the best.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Momof3 | 2006/11/04

Hi Rpc I agree with Collen on this one.I think she is asking,in around about way for help.As CS says,the mother can do nothing if Child Welfare become involved and ask for the girl to be examined by there profesionals.The mother will have to compli as she has NOt acted in the girls best interest.

It sounds more like bragging to me.Telling your daughter that she has had sex 5times in 2 weeks.If nothing else the date rape will be an issue the Welfare would get involved with seeing the mom did nothing about it.

You could phone the mom and ask her if you could come talk to her about something you overheard in the car and has you very concerned.Make an appointment with her in other words.Have a very open talk with her and say that her daughter claimes to have been date raped and that she is now on the pill and sleeping with a23 yr old.
Tell her that its against the law and she had better do something about it otherwise you have no choice ,by law you have to contact the Child Welfare as her daughter is only 13(very under age) and then see what she has to say.

if she says stay out of my affairs say by law you can not and that you have reported it already.

Reply to Momof3
Posted by: rpc | 2006/11/03

Thanks for all the advice. i am very tempted to contact child welfare but my daughter is scared she will loose a friend. i have also thought about talking to the mom, but i am also quite sure the reaction will be one of stay out of my business.
I guess the confidential child welfare route will be the best way to go. My daughter has only a month to go before she leaves primary school and they will not be at the same high school, so if there is a backlash, we won't have to endure it for too long.
Thanks again.

Reply to rpc
Posted by: Caja | 2006/11/03

Echelle - the cancer is cervical cancer - and a lot of young 20+'s is diagnosed with it now. Smoking, different sex partners and the HPV virus is the risk factors.

Reply to Caja
Posted by: Colleen | 2006/11/03

I think your daughte'rs friend is sending out a signal asking for help. If she was raped she needs professional help; if her having sex is completely out of character in that you would never have suspected it, she is probably not feeling good about it.

She is asking for help. Since she spoke about it in your car she probably expected you to hear it and could be asking in a roundabout way for you to help her sort it out.

Perhaps you could ask her to stay in the car with you for a minute when you take her to school, and ask her what she would like you to do. You could suggest that she be taken to see a psychologist, who could help her gain a better understanding and help her to get her together.

I would take this very seriously, and strongly advise you to get a professional involved. This is not something that a parent can deal with adequately.

Reply to Colleen
Posted by: Buzz | 2006/11/03

I agree with you Casey, what I was trying to say is even if Child Welfare comes over to their house, if the daughter denies having sex (which she WILL) the mother would probably support her and what can they do then?

Unless all her friends who have been told about the sex stand together and talk to Welfare.

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/03

And I think you must keep your daughter away from her, otherwise she'll start doing it to.

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Casey | 2006/11/03

Buzz I hardly ever disagree with you but this time I do, the welfare can do something about it, a mother who allows her child to have sex with a 23 year old is an unfit mother and can be reported to the welfare for that.

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Echelle | 2006/11/03

I've heard that if you have sex at a really young age a girl can get cancer, can't remember what type of cancer so she must be warned. Only her mother can do something about it so I think you must talk some sense into the mother's head!

Reply to Echelle
Posted by: Buzz | 2006/11/03

Sex with a 13 year old is statutory rape. There's really not much you can do since this girl has her mother's approval in having sex. If you get Child Welfare involved, the girl will just deny having sex and the mother would support her.

Can you not have a talk to the mother?

Reply to Buzz
Posted by: Casey | 2006/11/03

It is definitely statutory rape, and even you as a social friend, can report it to the welfare or police.

Reply to Casey

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