Posted by: Chloe | 2012/02/08

Uncomfortable situation

I got divorced a few years ago and am currently living with my fiancee. He is 15 years older than me (in his late 40''s) and is divorced too. We know each other for about 16 years and were good friends before having a relationship. He was incredibly supportive when I was going through my divorce. A few years back we were having a long distance relationship which didn''t really work. He got involved with someone else (didn''t try to hide it from me and told me upfront) and because the company he worked for got liquidated, he was forced to move in with this woman while trying to find another job. Still, we talked regularly and he said that he was very unhappy and that he had made a mistake moving in with her. She was unreasonably jealous and used to freak out whenever we had contact - no matter how innocent. He called me one day and asked whether he could come live with me (on the other side of the country!) and I said yes. He was litterally kicked out with no time to pack his things when she realised that he was going to leave. To make a long story short - he lived in my spare bedroom for about 5 months in which time we ''rekindled'' our friendship/relationship. He also started a company after he couldn''t find proper employement and is doing very well. We decided to give it a go again and found a new house and moved in together. However, the previous girlfriend called him about once a week or so. I didn''t want to seem jealous or upset, so I didn''t say anything. Sometimes he ignored her calls, which seem to make the matter worse since she would then call until her calls get answered. It all came to a big blow up a few days before his birthday last year when we went on holiday and he swiched his phone off. She sent me a message asking if I knew where he was as she was starting calling hospitals to see what happend to him. I replied by saying that we were living together and that we were on holiday for his birthday. She called me a liar and a few other things, and demanded that I prove it to her by telling him to text her from his phone. So he did. He told her that we were in a serious relationship, living together and on holiday and that she should let him move on and stop calling. But she didn''t. She somehow got a hold of my work telephone number and calls me at least twice a week telling me how much he loves her and that our litte ''family'' won''t last because it''s just a game to him. Things like that. I try not to let her upset me, but it has come to a point where I found myself checking our home telephone statements, his cellphone statements etc. Her number wasn''t on there once, but I hate that she managed to get to me. Recently I was sent an email to state how immature I am - that I am unfit to be a mother (yes, I have major fertility problems, but got over it) and that I have the maturity of a 14 year old and the moral and ethic standards on par with men who think raping a baby will cure them of Aids. Apart from that I am apparently a poor white (which I am not) and cannot afford to even go on an overseas holiday (which yet again isn''t true since we went to the Tour de France last year and will again this year...)Apparently I also have terrible self esteem issues and think that falling pregnant will make me feel better about myself, but nature has been telling me for years that I am unfit to be a mother - I am just too stupid to realise.
I took this email home and showed it to my fiancee. He just looked at it and said: Ignore it. That was the end of it. I was a bit stunned by his reaction. I don''t know what I expected, but this was not it. I almost feel as is he doesn''t care - which I know isn''t true. I don''t know what to do to make this woman stop. She is 2 years younger than he is with a teenage daughter, yet she''s acting like an obsessed teenager herself. She seems to have her knife in for me. Why I don''t know as she is bragging to me about kicking him out. Any advice on how to handle the situation?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Get a court order forbidding her from any further harassment of either of you nn any way. . Get a restraining order. You are both giving her power she enjoys and you don't need to give her, by responding to her and enabling her to keep this up. Keep coies of all her malicious emails to help you prove in court her illegal behaviours. Every time ou respond, or vn read her alicious tripe, it pleases and encourages her. Lay criminal charges and get a restraining order, and merely copy ( for later evidence if needed ) all commnications from her, while ignoring their conent and refusing to take them to heart.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Romany | 2012/02/08

In fact, dont threaten to lay a criminal charge of harassment, just do it and get her out of your lives.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Liza | 2012/02/08

Tell her that if she contacts you again in any shape or form, that you will lay a criminal charge of harassment and get a restraining order. Just keep proof of any abusive emails/sms etc that you receive from her. She truly sounds crazy and you can never be too careful.

Good Luck

Reply to Liza

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