Posted by: ABBY | 2004/11/04

uncarring hubby

Hi doc.

here's my story, i got married in may this year, i've been trying to concieve since then but no luck.

we are christians and my hubby does not believe in doctors, gynaes or GP for our health he always says god is the one who heals us,

recently i went to a doctor about me wanting to conceive. the gp also told me that i must go to the gynae or do and ivf but hubby says i will conceive with no such things, i somehow feel that he's afraid of the responsibilty of getting a medical aid.

he tells me that we must wait for another year, i'm 29 he's 30 and i think years are going and i don't have even have one baby.

what must i do how do make him see my point of going to the gynae??????

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Our expert says:
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He's not much of a Christian to want you to neglect your health and happiness. Wasn't St Luke a phyician ? Is he questioning Christ's choice of companions ? Sounds like he's being evasive about medical aid, an maybe also scared that they'll find that the fertility problem is on his side and not yours. For the sake of your life, as Chelle says, you should be getting checkups and pap smears. ANd you don't need his permission to care for your health.
Apart from the fact, as others hav said, that it can take some time to conceive even in entirely healthy couples, I wouldn't be in a great hurry to conceive by someone so uncaring. And what if you do conceive ? Would he refuse antenatal care or an obstetrician ? Would he prefer you to give birth alone, in the back garden ?
Sort out medical aid first, before taking any chance of falling pregnant

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Our users say:
Posted by: bm | 2004/11/04

Hi Abby

Just a few points on the medical aid as I assume from your comment that you are not presently on medical aid. If you do fall pregnant what are you going to do about the bills. If you join a medical aid when you are already pregnant they will not pay for expenses relating to the pregnancy and that includes doctors bills and the hospital stay. In fact most medical aids have a waiting period after you have joined of three months and if you fall pregnant during this time they still won't pay the bills. Your other options are paying for it yourself which if there are no complications will cost you in the region of R10 000 to R15 000 depending on the hospital and your doctor. If there are complications it gets realy expensive. Your other option is a government hospital but I won't even go there.

If you arn't going to pay all the expenses cash then get your medical aid sorted out soon.

Reply to bm
Posted by: bubbles | 2004/11/04

Listen if you a feeling stressed you arnt gonna concieve now, and for soe it can take a while.... just be patient and at the same time chat to your husband and get him to understand that a woman needs to se a gynae...maybe hes uncomforatble with a gynae being a male???

Reply to bubbles
Posted by: Kay | 2004/11/04

Its your body - if he doesnt want to see a dr then thats his perogative. He cannot stop you from seeing one. Surely you realise that at your age you NEED to see a gynae for a check up at least once a year.

What happens when you do fall pregnant? Are you not going to see the gynae then becasue he doesnt want to?

Reply to Kay
Posted by: $iren | 2004/11/04

Research shows that it takes on average 2 years to conceive a child, and most doctors won't even start any kind of fertility treatment unless you have been trying at least 2 years. I think you need to chill and you will fall pregnant.

Reply to $iren
Posted by: Chelle | 2004/11/04

You should be going for annual check ups such as a pap smear anyhow. Tell him it's time for the check up if you really feel it is necessary to see the gynae. It's not unusual not to fall pregnant quickly, so don't worry too much that you haven't.

It is also your right to visit a gynae for whatever reason - you don't have to provide explanations to anyone! HAving a baby is a dual decision, but you shouldn't need to explain or ask him for you see a gynae.

Reply to Chelle

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