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Posted by: Mom2B | 2003/02/26

Unborn baby diagnosed with undeveloped arm and hand

My unborn baby was dianosed with a undeveloped arm and hand. His left arm are thin and developed till the elbow, with no lower arm and a undeveloped hand. His hand has just 2 fingers. We could no have children and when I fell pregnat, we were thrilled! This news came with a shock, but we are still thrilled to have been blessed with him. The only sad part is,how do we deal with rude and cruel people? How do we protect our son from people saying nasty things to him? How do we teach him to stay possitive and love life and not to9 be bothered with nasty people and children? We want to teach him right from the start. If all goes well, he will be born in April.

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Our expert says:
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Dear Mom2B,
I really understand your concern. Odd, really, this sort of problem of anticipating problems was impossible in the old days, when there was no way to know that there was any anomaly, until after birth.
You are right that all the things you mention are potential problems, but none are compulsory problems.
It is clear that your son will grow up with parents who really love him, and that is by far the most important blessing he could have. it will take some time before his problem becomes obvious to others outside your family, and before it becomes obvious to him. As he grows, your love will help his confidence to grow, with the basic sense that he's OK. Yes, as one approaches school age, one will discuss with him the possibility that others will be curious, awkward, and, yes, in some instances, rude and stupid. And one can discuss how to deal with that as the problems arise. He can learn that while he's a marvellous guy with an unusual arm, there are other people whose disability is harder to see at first, but their cruelty and lack of understanding of others and respect for other people's feelings, is a far more awful handicap to them ; an that their words and opinions really don't matter, as these merely disclose their inner ugliness.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Wendy | 2003/02/28

Mom2B

I agree with everything Zeena has said. He has chosen you as parents, and I think he chose well.

You wrote "we are still thrilled to have been blessed with him". You already recognise him for the gift that he is. God knows who to give these special children to - to special parents.

You will have many, many hours of happiness and joy together - treasure these moments because they are precious.

I wish you lots of love & happiness
Wendy

Reply to Wendy
Posted by: Mom2B | 2003/02/27

Thank you all for your kind words.I do believe that we are blessed with a angel and we will love him so much and teach him to shine with love for all the world to see,sothat others can see how spesial he realy are. And Zeena, you speek with so much truth. I know what you are trieing to say and thank you for your kind words. Thanks to all!!

Reply to Mom2B
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/02/27

Your child is a special child. For what I am going to say now, I will get a lot of flack, but I do not care. I have found out many things in my life, which hasn't always been easy, and I have a certain set of beliefs.

Your baby has chosen you to be his parents. This life is not the first life he has lived on this planet as a human being. For reasons we do not understand now, he has chosen this time on Earth to live with an imperfect body. No doubt he has an important job to do, or a lesson to teach others. His soul, however, will be untouched and perfect and shining like a light. Life is not, as some fundamentalist believers would have it, a one-time, hit-and-miss affair. When he is born, look at him, and you might find that there is a strange feeling of "recognising"... If all this sounds very eccentric to you now, please "sleep on it" and think about it.

As far as "cruel" people are concerned: you might find they are not so much cruel, as curious. Do not read evil into all questions regarding his arm and hand. Sure: you WILL have to deal with cruel people sometimes. Just smile and say, he's a special child, a very special child ... You don't owe anyone an explanation. Daily babies are born imperfectly. He will still be your great joy and your lives will be greatly enriched by this child. This is a message for you ... He comes to you with great love for all.

If at all possible, please post back to this page at some time in the future, and let us know how you are all doing! God bless you!

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: Nikita | 2003/02/27

Just remember that even though his/her little body is not whole
there is nothing wrong with his/her spirit!

Reply to Nikita
Posted by: nina | 2003/02/27

hi there

i have alot of respect for people like you and you must be a special person if you where given this
baby.

there is no way we can protect our kid from the outside world - not even a "normal" child

but providing them with a loving home and a good self esteem will enable them to handle much
and also if they can learn from a young age how to forgive others and try and understand why they act the way they do - eg. theat they are afaid of anything that is different or even that they don't have any self respect thats why they can't respect him

i think if he can alway feel and know that he has more that the others eg. special parents, inner strenght and a loving character.

i know you'll be a wonderfull parent and your child is truely lucky to have a parent like you

just the last thing - lead by example- don't let him see the rude remarks and things upset you and you become bitter and angry when it happens but lead with a gentle attitude

good luck

nina

Reply to nina
Posted by: exhausted | 2003/02/27

You are facing lots of stress still to come with rude people - I have a mentally retarded boy who has a misrable life - I actually sometimes cannot understand why the dear lord can give a life to a child like that - cause they just suffer from the world out there.
I try and protect my son as much as possible, but you cannot always be there.
Be thankful that your son has a normal brain. Technology is so wonderful these days I am sure in a few years they will probably be able to give him and arm and hand.
Be positive, that is the only way your child will stay positive, but make him aware of the cruel realities of life as soon as you can.
Good luck, I hope all goes well with the birth and I have no doubt that your baby is going to bring you so much joy and happiness.

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