Posted by: Desperate Mom | 2007/04/30

Unable to cope with 20 year old son

After sessions with a Therapist, we realize that our son shows signs of being a Socio Path. In any family situation he is ALWAYS right; he is extremely self-centered and he verbal abuses me since the age of 16. We are unable to discuss any situation with him, because it ALWAYS turns into a big fight! He becomes violent very easily, or he will just lose himself and hit through doors or against walls. Then he starts crying and breaking down. He refuses to go for therapy because in his mind there is nothing wrong with him. At the moment he lives with his 16 year old girlfriend and he does the same to her. I've been to social welfare, with no success. I'm very worried about this situation and this young girl. Even his father avoid any conflict with him, because of his outbursts. My son hates me because I've been struggling to help him realize that he has a problem. I've also been trying to get this young girl out of the relationship, and he hates me for that. Can anybody give me any advise. I love my boy dearly, but I cannot tolerate or accept his behavior. This is a heart breaking situation. No, he is not on drugs at all. It is a personality disorder which we dont know how to cope with.

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Our expert says:
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You say he has been unruly " since the age of 16", so I guess he is now older than 16, though you don;t mention his current age. If he is so certain that there is nothing wrong with him, how does he explain his violent outbursts and the subsequent crying ? Don't get into another argument about this, but sympathetically ask for an explaation, to help you understand the situation. And if therapy didn't help him ( it often can't, if this is indeed Sociopathy ) he won't have lost anything by trying it. If he acts hatefully towasrds you for trying to get him to acknowledge that there is a problem, there may be nothing more you can do at this time. The girl's parents ought to be the one's involved in assisting her, ratehr than you being seen as intruding in the relationship.
Of course you love your boy, even though many of his behaviours may be unloveable. Such conditions cannot be treated without the full consent and co-operation of the inividual, and this is rarely given in the case of Sociopathy ; and even then treatment is difficult and often unsuccessful. Sorry to confirm such sad news, but this is the reality of this condition, if it has been correctly diagnosed. It may be helpful for you to see a counsellor to focus on coming to terms with the situation and planning the most effective ways you can interact with him

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Our users say:
Posted by: Our son,,,help | 2007/05/06

My son is 20. Emotionally I think he is 15. He cries very easily, and gets very angry and abusive so easily. The parents of the girls he is living with, is not involved in her live at all. They are very rich people, and do not care that their only child (16) lives with her boyfriend. I just wish so much that we can have a relationship with our son, and that he can respect us. He seems angry at the whole world, in respect of the fact that he was our world for many years.

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