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Question
Posted by: Charlie Brown | 2003/02/28

Unable 2 commit

I am energetic, outgoing & a goodlooking 27 year old male. I love my family but we are not as close as I would like to be because we all live too far from each other.I have had 2 serious relationshops in the past, where both woman have left me for another man. I have no problem meeting girls. I realise that no one is perfect, but finding fault in every one I meet leaves me unwilling to commit to a relationship.
Is it normal for me to be finding find fault in every one I meet because maybe it just isn't "the one"?
OR
Should I be more accepting and is there something I can do to encourage committment?

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Our expert says:
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Dear Chuck,
I think sometimes problems arise when one concentrates too much on hunting for a serious relationship, and on asking oneself whether this person is "the one". It makes on too self-conscious, and looking too much for early certainty. Isn't it better to concentrate on forming a number of friendships, both to increase one's skills at working in and developing relatonships, and to get to know yourself and other people rather better ? When one takes the time to get to know people, without drawing conclusions too early, it eventually tends to become lear whether this prson feels like "the one" or not. In counseling, it is possible to explore in more detail what you are looking for in "the one" --- that characteristics you need in somone with wom you'd have a happy long-term relationship, and what characteristics would ultimately make such a relationship unsatisfying for you both.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Zeena | 2003/02/28

These days people do not commit too easily at a young age. One reason is that they want to establish themselves in jobs -- hard enough to find. Another reason is that sex is easily come by, with girls on the Pill and other measures. Even a couple of decades ago this wasn't so, and so two people in love married in order to have sex ...

I'd say, don't worry too much, and I agree with Hofman above: wait for the "right one". You only have to scroll through this page -- and not just the first 20 problems -- to see how many unhappy marriages and relationships exist. Being a male, you do not have a woman's "biological clock" and can easily give it ten more years before you really get worried! Somewhere out there the right woman is waiting. Don't force the issue. Relax, and enjoy your youth!

Reply to Zeena
Posted by: Hofman | 2003/02/28

I would rather go through 10 women until I find the one. I had 2 serious relaionships and on the second i decided to marry, even though I was not sure and was hesitant. 7 years later I am the same age as you but having the opposite problem. I committed without being 100% sure and am paying the price through unhappiness.

So my advice would be, dont rush into marriage, and also ask why the women you date leave you for another man? Is it your attitude, do you date the wrong type of women for marriage?

Well, whatever that is worth i hope it helps.

Reply to Hofman

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