Our expert says:
Open minded, of course, doesn't mean you must aopprove or or applaud everything - that's a mind that is stuck in the open position, and fails to recognize the quality or consequences of anything.
Have you tried marriage counselling to see if the lements of riction between you and your husband can be improved on ?
Where there are more than usual differences between you in terms of intellectual ability and preferences, having friends ( they don't of course have to be male )for intellectual discusion and activities is fine, and need not be objectionable to your husband. Sex is more tricky. Couldn't your husband enjoy learning more about sex and how to be a better lover ( or, as you'd say to him, "an even better lover" ) ?
If he has some difficulty dealing with some of the topics that interest you ( the hidden humour of Ludwig Wittgenstein, perhaps )how much have you explored what interests him ?
In family gatherings, doesn't he perhaps feel shy and overwhelmed, and scared he might sound silly if he joins the conversation ? He can be helped to deal with that.
I wonder why you maried this guy in the first place ? You knew the differences between you, which have not arrived since then.
And remember Jason may be right about you being played. Sorry raises another often over-looked point - if there are irrepairable problems in a marriage, the most honest thing, after trying to fix them, is that if they are not fixable, to part in as friendly a fashion as possible, and then look for a better relationship. Its the isue of having two relationships and degrees of committment at the same time that is understandably bothering to people. In many ways, your husband sounds much better than what many women have to put up with. The intellectual stimulation can be found in other ways and inaddition to your marriage, and the quality of sex between you can be improved with the aid of a therapist. An affair is not the only solution
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