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Question
Posted by: Trish | 2004/10/26

Twin boyfriend versus best friend

I met this girl the same day my boyfriends identical twin met her. He hit it off with her and they saw each other for about 3 months and he broke it off. I have still been her friend and she spends almost every weekend with my boyfriend and me. She is a kewl person but I have had to “talk” to her about constantly hanging around my boyfriend and talking to him about his brother and how she still cares for him,etc, especially when I turn my back. Am I incorrect in thinking that if she was my friend, that I should be the one she should be confiding in, leaning on? My boyfriend is a really nice kind of guy with a good heart and even though he has already said to her that she mustn’t chat to him bcos it will upset me, she doesn’t listen. I’ve been burnt by a best friend already, really bad and he was involved so he is sensitive towards me in this regard. I am quite insecure now but trust and know that my boyfriend would never go down that road again. I lost it this past weekend and have told her that we need to have some space as the situation is progressively getting worse adding stress on my relationship with my boyfriend. I don’t want to be a mean person and don’t think that she has any hidden agenda but I don’t want to even open the door way for any type of situation. Any thoughts/comments?

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Our expert says:
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I don't think you can expect someone you like as a friend to choose to have you as their absolutely only confidant and pal. And this twin thing is unusual, she may feel when talking with him that it's almost like talking to her ex, who she says she still cares about. So she's using him as a sort of surrogate. Sounds like you're noticing a conflict between what your head tells you ( it's OK, they're only friends, nothing is going wrong ) and what your emotions say " It still bothers me". talk it out, with or without a counsellor's help

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: I got your back | 2004/10/27

Trish,
I know what this feels like, and you're right,
You are absolutely right, help her to move on if she doesn't have the sense to move herself.
Good relationships are hard to find, but sluts are not - they're all around and preying.
Say goodbye. And never look back.
Keep your happy relationship, girl!

Reply to I got your back
Posted by: Trish | 2004/10/27

Thanks Doc and Marconi_love. Nobody else in our circle of friends is comfortable having her around including my boyfriend's twin as she is his ex and I've been giving her the benefit of the doubt all along and been including her all the time. I'm probably not doing the best thing for her as she needs to get over it and being around his twin doesn't exactly help matters. I get a sense that she is deluded by her emotions sometimes and does thrive off the attention that my boyfriend gives her as she is no longer getting it from him twin. It will be best to break ties, even if just for a while.

Marconi_love, females can sense other female's intentions and most of the time, we avert our interests from someone that could be potentially harming to our relationship. Why let one person in just to be interfering and to attempt to break a harmonious relationship (most times out of pure jealousy and probably loneliness).

Reply to Trish
Posted by: marconi_love | 2004/10/26

You are handling it right, it is a good think to tell your friend to give you space with your boyfriend. But the way you handle it is decent and great.. It is the best to keep friends (girls) away from your guy. My girlfriend also does it in a way. If she has a lady friend and realize this girl likes me. She would like slowly end the friendship in such away that we just do not see her so often any more. And when we go out we just do not sit by her and chat. I only realize it after a few weeks that we do not see this girl any more. Then I will like asking her, what happened to this other friend of yours. And then she will reply....... You now I do not no. Haven't herd of her for a while. But it just stay at that. Then I emediatly know she is protecting her man from this girl....

Reply to marconi_love

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