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Question
Posted by: nicky | 2010/02/27

TRYING TO BE POSITIVE

What exactly is my problem?

People say im a very attractive 43 year old woman. I been back from the UK, in south africa, 9 months year now, going through a divorce with my husand in the UK. Also been looking for work but to no avail. was married for about 2 and half years. Im practically living in the streets as im fighting for ancillary relief from my husband in the UK. I have nothing to show for my age and feel depressed about it. I met an older man, bout 60 yrs old whos well established, very kind but im not attracted to him and not sure what to do, and feel desperate as i dont want to end up on the streets and the fact that im getting older. I feel im getting very anxious bout it and my mom and dad were always very negative people. I try to be positive, yet those moments dont last long before im down again. Im not sure what my problem is and there are a fair amount of attractive men my age that want me but im too afraid to get too close. I start thinking negatively thinking i will be rejected some way or the other. I havent had much luck with men in my life and i dont come from a wealthy background, and most of the guys have just used me. If i like someone i get anxious and start imagining that perhaps someone I know will tell him that im either mad or something (i know this sounds ludicrous) but I imagine the worst and i get nervous talking to the guy... I dont have any friends as they feel threatened by me and am very lonely. I dont have family support either. I feel we come into this world alone and we go out alone. I am very down... :( What exactly is my problem?

Thanks cybershrink

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

YOu're tackling several individually challenging tasks at the same time, so its not surprising this isn't proving easy. Getting through and over a divorce isn't easy. Getting a job in this economic situation isn't easy. Re-establishing yourself back in SA isn't easy.
Counselling can help re-evaluate the situation, your needs, wishes and options. Maybe look at how you have made bad relationship decisions in the past, and how to become less "usable".
So you have become discouraged - rather an apt word, as one has suffered a leakage of one's courage.
If there is an element of Depression developing, this can be helped through a shrink's treatment, medicinal and/or therapy, and should be available thropugh the state health sector and not only privtely.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/02/28

YOu're tackling several individually challenging tasks at the same time, so its not surprising this isn't proving easy. Getting through and over a divorce isn't easy. Getting a job in this economic situation isn't easy. Re-establishing yourself back in SA isn't easy.
Counselling can help re-evaluate the situation, your needs, wishes and options. Maybe look at how you have made bad relationship decisions in the past, and how to become less "usable".
So you have become discouraged - rather an apt word, as one has suffered a leakage of one's courage.
If there is an element of Depression developing, this can be helped through a shrink's treatment, medicinal and/or therapy, and should be available thropugh the state health sector and not only privtely.

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