Posted by: Nods | 2008/12/08

Trusting my Husband

Good Day Cybershrink. I' m going to have to tell you my entire life story so that you can understand where I' m coming from.

I have had a lot of Boyfriends, and all of them has left me for another woman. My Dad cheated on my mother, he came back, she took him back, got married again... and he did it again.

I know I can not compare my Husband with my dad, but I just don' t trust men. He hasn' t done anything to make me doubt him, but all my girlfriends I had so far made me doubt, cause everyone so far liked him, and wanted him. He didn' t go for them... This is the first time something actually could have happened. We know each other 10yrs, married for 3. He told me the other day, he has feelings for one of my girlfriends. He had long time to think about it, and told me, he is sorry, it' s not the feelings he thought it was, not sexual, but more that she gave him attention. Cause yes I admit I have been neglecting him.

They still talk to each other, we are still friends. I don' t make friends easily, so I don' t want to push her away cause my Husband HAD feelings for her. He is so cross with me at the moment, because I still doubt him, I still think he is going to leave me for her, doesn' t matter how many times he tells me he' s not going to. How can I trust my husband, and let him believe me when I say it. Cause he doesn' t believe me anymore, if I do say I trust him. Cause I think in the back of my mind, I don' t.

I' m becoming a complete bitch, because I want to know what they talk about, and if he doesn' t tell me right away, I get cross and jealous.

Please help!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

See a marriage counsellor together and work on all these issues ---together. And make new and more honourable and trustworthy friends

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Just M | 2008/12/08

Hi Nods,

Did he confess these feelings on his own, or only when you pushed him?
If he confessed on his own, then I say you are one very lucky woman.
The fact that he discussed it with you means that he feels comfortable enough with you to be open.
Don' t condemn him for having " feelings"  for another woman. Men and women WILL have passing crushes on friends and/or colleques - its perfectly normal. Having a ring on your finger doesn' t automatically turn off all feelings. BUT (and this is a big BUT) it doesn' t mean you have to act on those feelings.
My husband and I talk about our " crushes"  and we can joke and laugh about it, because just because you don' t talk about these things, doesn' t mean it will never happen.

You have to learn to trust him as much as you love him.

Reply to Just M
Posted by: Nozi | 2008/12/08

Girl I don' t know but I would break loose with the friend.
Same happened to me although I don' t say it would to you but I got divorced, also had the same life as you, I steer clear from girlfriends, unless they are married and we all getogether.
Listen to Aretha Frnklyn she has a song where she sings when her man is home she wants g/fs around in order to keep her man.
Some g/fs want what you have all for themselves, i have yet to find a true g/f these days it' s not so much love as it is money, woman are out for what they can get and to hell with the consequences.

Reply to Nozi

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