Posted by: BT | 2008/11/06

Trusting after an affair

I have been married for 35 years and my husband had an affair with someone he works with although very brief before i found out. I have always said i could not live with him if he ever had an affair but find myself wanting to give us another chance. what i am finding difficult is that i seem to be the one that is working on the relationship and he keeps on telling me how guilty he feels and has compromised all his principals - should he be the one reaauring me that we can work it out and not the other way round.i trusted this man completely and he has completely shattered me to the core. How does one go forward in this situation. i am the one asking all the questions and he is the one telling me how bad he feels. i dont know where i stand with him now. any suggestions as to how i can find out what he feels and thinks

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Don't try and do all the "working on the relationship' yourself --- see a marriage counsellor together.
I doubt you'd try to fix the car together if it broke down, without taking it to a garage

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Jade | 2008/11/08

Once a cheat. always a cheat. I have been there. Its not worth the trouble. Why should u work on it. He is the one who had the affair. He should show sincerity first on " working on it"  before u start. Next thing he will be telling pple she is forcing me to stay. HE IS SELFISH, SELFISH MEN CAN SLEEP WITH A WOMAN IN FRONT OF U AND BLAME U FOR IT

Reply to Jade
Posted by: Mwa | 2008/11/07

Good men, in fact men in general are becoming scarce. Best you sort your differences out and go on with your life.

What will you get next time? Rather the devil you know than the devil you don' t know

Reply to Mwa
Posted by: Angel G | 2008/11/07

Sorry for your hurt. But don' t always just look at the man. Some women just go to the extreme in ofccie enviroments to get married men. Married men who are stable and well sorted out has somehow become a craze amongst women young and old, married and single. So, yes waht he did was not right but let' s look at the other party and I ntalk of experience

Reply to Angel G
Posted by: been there | 2008/11/07

yep, I am also struggling to trust again after I found out that my BF betrayed me. We went for counselling, worked thru things and decided to put it behind us...We got married and he has been faithful since....BUT..I still have my doubts and cant fully trust him the way I used to...I still love him..but not the way I used to...not sure if I don' rt want to...or am I just scared to ??? I was extremelt hurt...and will NEVER forget it.

Its not easy to ' just deal with it..and get on with life" ..Your life, no matter if you stay together or marred forever!

Cheaters are selfish and self centred ..and don' t give a damn about consequences...

Reply to been there
Posted by: Kb | 2008/11/07

Anon - you hit the nail on the head. You will never trust again, not matter how hard you try, their is always that doubt in your mind.
Best of luck

Reply to Kb
Posted by: anon | 2008/11/07

Trust me, you will NEVER trust him again.
Bottom line!
Sorry for your hurt

Reply to anon
Posted by: Lin | 2008/11/06

The best would be for the two of you to go for counselling together. In doing so you get professional help with a problem that' s hurting your marriage.

Reply to Lin

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.