Posted by: CC | 2009/08/03

Trust within marriage

My partner and i have been together for 3 years and married for a year. We have a child when i was on the pill ( i wasnt advised on the proper usage). We currently use condoms and I always thought that unprotected sex was a privilege to married couples.
He doesnt want to risk a pregnancy again for now and wants to continue using the condoms and i dont. I am on the pill again (i'  ve changed doctors and he'  s advised me on the right way of using it and i have done research and set an alarm to take it the same time everyday.)
He claims it'  s not a trust, responsibility thing, just that he is cautious.
Please provide me with feedback as to how we can resolve this situation?

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Our expert says:
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His caution may be understandable --- what is it that actually worries you about it ? Is it just that you would prefer unprotected sex ( unprotected by condoms, at least ).
And why not see a marriage counsellor together. Somehow it sounds as though there are issues beyond the matter of condoms

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Our users say:
Posted by: Really | 2009/08/03


Wouldn' t you be shocked if you found out you were pregnant, when your hubby had promised that using the condom would be the best contraception and then inspite of you still fell pregnant? Worse still, unplanned? I definately would be!

I think the fact that the you got pregnant while on the pill, when I assume you did not plan for a baby yet, is reason enough to worry someone, I think some might even give up on sex all together.

You partner probably feels cheated, he maybe thinks you fell pregnant delibarately or that this pill failed the both of you, most people that do not understand how the pill works, will usually think you know what you are doing and hence the baby.

Why don' t you suggest that he comes with you and see the GP or doc, so that they can explain to him how everything works. Maybe you could even consider using the injection then at least you don' t have to remember or forget to take the pill every night? The injections takes longer in the body than the pill, vomitting, diarriheoa or antibiotics do not affect the effect of the injection?

Failure to his agreement, you might need to seek some councelling... he might really have some trust issues.... it must have been a shock for him!

I hope he still loves the baby.

All the best,

by the way, you must be lucky, most men don' t like using the condom, especially if they are married, I say, it' s sort of a blessing in the skies.

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