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Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2005/01/06

Trust - Confusion

One of the First today - strange.
Traumatic evening again with bf, I am thoroughly exhausted and feel like a bird that flew too high or too late to miss the winter weather, wings are broken and falling hard.
Sorry not more positive, but I think the exhaustion is catching up, literally and figutively, I only had 1,5 hours sleep and my heart is heavy.
You know what guys, why is it that when things are looking up something bad has to happen, I honestly think I have had my fair share, damnit.
The ex phoned again, wished I could slap him, he wanted to know if I was happy. I had previously asked him to leave me alone, it seems his hard of hearing. Naturally the bf over-reacted, he doesn't trust me, he seems to think I want to go back to the ex, apparently the ex has more to offer, that's a joke. He phoned him telling him not to call me ever again and there was a lot of swearing to and fro, then he threw the phone at me telling me to go back to the ex. There was a lot of discussion but more from his side, I wasn't really given chance to talk. He also said how must he know if the ex doesn't phone me during the day and when I said I hadn't heard from him since the previous time, he was sarcastic, repeating my name several times. He also said whenever he came to Denmar or the rehab centre I was always chatting to the men, but there were other women in the conversation ..... why doesn't he trust me, I don't want anybody else and am not interested in any other men in that way.
He also said that there were too many men phoning me, but the one guy is also his friend and phones him just as much, he doesn't mind him, the others we talk maybe once in 3 months just to hear how the other is doing, no relationship ever, just friendship. Am I wrong in still talking to them?
I'm babbling on a bit. This morning he loves me again, should I believe it, I no longer trust his feelings for me, you don't one minute say you love someone and the very next treat them like dirt, I am not a tramp, have made many a mistake though and also not caring what happened to my body, but was never part of the situation, body response and mind had left the room as didn't know how to get out of the situation, the doc said's the child in me took over and I was not responsible for what happened, but now I feel dirty......
Anyway have a good day, hopefully mine will improve. I though 2005 would be different.
Take Care.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Well, deal with the exhaustion first, and catch up on that sleep as a first priority. None of us cope well with ANYTHING when sleep-deprived. If the ex won't stop phoning -- stop answering or hang up on him, or get a caller ID, or change your phone number. Sounds like he does love you, but that HE is feeling insecure. 2005 will BECOME different, by slow and more secure progress, not by an overnight miracle

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Shaun | 2005/01/06

Great stuff!!! A lot of your dilemna stems from their sometimes childish behaviour... hope you see that. Relationships are often the worst for us to handle. How nice it would all be if we could actually know what the other person thinks, then maybe we won't ask so many questions...
You just hang in there BT, & everytime you stress out, step back, literally if you must, & ask yourself if it really is your problem. If it's not, just discard the damn. It'll fall back onto the owner coz it has nowhere else to go.

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: BT | 2005/01/06

Naturally you are right about x and bf, but now they seem the least of by problems. They must do what they want as long as they leave me out of it...... At least haven't resorted to drinking or hurting..... I suppose that is something, must be coping better than thought (no comment) ......
Maybe tomorrow will look better, I will wait and see or maybe not......

Reply to BT
Posted by: Shaun | 2005/01/06

If he's insecure & not trusting it's his problem. You don't give him any reason to. So give it back to him...
If the ex is not really listening to you, it's his problem coz he won't/can't leave you alone. Give it back to him, ignore him...
So you see, as I see it, those are not really your issues, but you seem to responsibility for them & thereby with it comes all the stress as well.
Easier said than done I know, but hey, if you don't try you never know.

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: BT | 2005/01/06

Most are mine though, maybe not the bf but all others. Don't know who to give them too. At least my tear ducts are now open, yeah, something positive..... I haven't been able to stop crying since last night (although hid it from him - he thinks it's an act). Started the day off like that too....stabilized and haven't been open to stop again for the past hour. I want to not have these emotions, rather just switch off, but can't seem to remember how......

Reply to BT
Posted by: Shaun | 2005/01/06

Hey BT, your last comment was the best of all me thinks. Why don't you try giving those issues to the owners. Some of those aren't really yours so maybe you shouldn't be taking the stress that comes with making them yours... you're absolutely right, give those issues back to where they belong.

Reply to Shaun
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2005/01/06

Thanks Q, I don't know what to say, I am just so tired of everything, another crisis has just happened and ........

JT - No I seem to not never have a major crisis, I am so damned tired of it, so you second section of what you wrote, yeah, the problem is I have been alone for the past 4 years, until the x, which was a 5 month matter and now the current bf. Anything else. I do have issues, can I give them to someone else please?

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: JT | 2005/01/06

Do you ever not have a major crisis in life

Maybe you should not have so many boyfriends and be more selective.

Sh1t lady you've got issues

Reply to JT
Posted by: Q | 2005/01/06

BT, I have a Q for you if a persone brakes you down the way he does and burns all you have done to improve yourself what makes him a person or what gives him the honour to even be a fling??? Nobody has the right to do that to you as a person and you girl are way to spesial to let this happen, I have followed your story now for months on end have seen you in very dark places and have seen you in the light and one thing that comes out every time is you wisdom and your love for people and your caring for them!!! there is not a lot of people like you left in the world, you are the imbodyment of an angle and you deserve a god as your partner!!!!!! or at very least anouther angel!!!! If he loved you he would understand and not take it out on you!!!! You girl are to spesial to be waisted like this and he does not get to do that!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Q
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2005/01/06

Thanks Q, what you say makes sense. I did tell him to grow up and decide what the hell he wants because I am sick of the rollercoaster ride. He spoke about the fact that he is an adrenaline junky and so forth, it didn't quite make sense to me, but anyway. My problem is I just don't feel like I could handle loosing someone again, we have had intimate relations and it will make me hate myself more if it was only a fling, I don't like feeling this way and I do realise it is not a reason to stay with someone but it is rather overpowering. I already feel broken by the way, can't see pshyche at moment, owe him too much, embarassed, so ja, here we go again.
Hope you feel better and I am also here is you want to talk, won't be too positive though due to feelings, but will try my damndest.
Take Care.

Reply to Beyond Tired
Posted by: Q | 2005/01/06

Hi BT,

My situation feels the same this morning but I made a disision last night that 2005 will be my year to ithere make it or braek it!!! I will not allow anybody to do that to be again because of there emossional instabillity or jelousy!!!! I aplay the FIFO rule: Fit In or F.ck Off rule!!!!!! Sounds like he is a very abusive persone and like a child of 5 if he does not get it his way he throughs his toys!!! If you where me you would tell him to ither get with the program or go, you can not be held responsible for some idiot calling you, next time if the x phones let him answer the phone then you dont have to!!!!! Secondly if he expects you not to talk to friends he is an idiot nobody is an island and you need support and obviously he is not up to the task!!! Sorry to be so grim but I dont feel well today my self but he does not desurve you, you have come to far done to much have had to much succes for him to brake it down, my advise make him an x as well then he will also be in the past and you brillaint future can start with out this abuse!!! Good luck girl , thinking of you!!!!

Reply to Q

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