Posted by: pk | 2008/08/08


im always having a big issue trusting people... and my girlfriend..

when i see someone is added on facebook or someone looks at her the wrong way, i get so mad and want and need to know why she knows him were they together, why she added him or why he added her on facebook, shes getting fedup and we have big fights over this,she says she wants to be with me and only me shes 18 but very mature,she says shes finished with jolling around and everything but still i get so frustrated with myself becasue i worry about she cheating on me the whole time....and im hurting her by not trusting her..i get so enfused in my feelings that i feel down and irritated the whole time....

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Our expert says:
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Such excessive sense of jealousy usually arises from low self-esteem and an unfair though sincere expectation that somehow you don't truly deserve the loce of someone really nice and so that it feel inevitable that they wouldcheat on you. See a personal counsellor, preferably one practising CBT, the most effective form, and learn to enhance your self-esteem and grow your ability to be appropriately trusting

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

Our users say:
Posted by: Same Boat | 2008/08/08

Hey PK

I know what you are going through. I was there at some point. Not quite sure if I could 100% say that I am over it. I did something at least
1. I saw a CBT type counselling which helped picking up my self-esteem a little  key to this was understanding where would this be coming from  I identified those. e.g. not having sufficient support of family, friends, sibblings etc I tended to over-rely on the girlfriend to make up for these other kinds of support I lack  so i started fine-tuning and realigning my expectations of people. rather than over-expect and be possessive and over-controlling and create strain in the relationship. I learnt something called SELF-LOVE or SELF_ACCEPTANCE.

2. I bought books on these topics such as The Speed of Trust by Stephen M Covey (the son of the famous Covey) and other books by likes of John F Dermatini and so forth.

Even if I deviate or regress to not trusting now, I am able to call myself into order again.

As a parting shot, remember that:
“ The Lack of Self-Trust also undermines our ability to trust others. In the words of Cardinal de Retz, ‘ a man who doesn’ t trust himself can never really trust anyone else.’ ”  –  Stephen M.R. Covey: The Speed of Trust –  The One Thing That Changes Everything.

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