Posted by: tasha | 2004/02/06


My boyfriend (28) left me (26), we stayed together for 2 years. Three weeks ago he left me, because I'm to insensitive. I grew up diferently. I was hard on him because I dont trust men, all men are bad. I went through hell crying and not wanted to let go off him. I even begged him to stay. He said he needed time to think and I must be strong, not that easy. I heard stories that he chatted girls up behind my back and made eyes for them touched there bums and so on. I realy thought he was different and trusted him. Now we are going to try again but he is staying with his sister. I see him weekends. But I dont feel the same anymore and dont trust him if he say he loves me so much. I am also scared he will leave me again. I get nightmares and have a permanent headache ever since. How can I stop feeling like this. I love him so much and dont know how to respond to him.

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Our expert says:
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tasha, ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophesy ? If you start with the belief that ALL men are bad ( not some men are bad, which is obviously true --- some women, some cats, and some fish, are bad ) you may become inclined to prove yourself right --- so that if a many isn't bad enough to confirm what you believe as a prejudice ( pre-judging ) --- well, you MAKE him bad by needling him, or when he says good things and does good things, you decide that these must be false and that he must actually be bad, even if it isnt obvious.
Stories are stories, and some people have their own motives for telling you things, whether true or not.
Why did you decide that all men are bad ? Presumably you didn't decide this out of the blue, but arising from previous bad experiences ? Maybe you';re over-generalising, from previous experiences to this one ?
Volcano summarises it well, how contradictory your story is --- you dont love him like before, but you love him so much, all men are bad --- except maybe this one ?
Try seeing a counsellor, because you sound clever and sensitive enough to be able to work this all out really well.

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Our users say:
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/06

Sue, if you have read some of the other comments I have made, you would have noticed that I tend to stick up for women that are being trodden on. In Tasha's case if you turned the tables around I would have felt exactly the same. Men screw up a lot but sometimes the women also do.

Reply to volcano
Posted by: Sue | 2004/02/06

Volcano you come across insensitive and clearly you are a man and therefore shouldnt comment on Tasha saying shes lucky to have a b/f. You sticking up for her b/f cause you ARE A MAN. Typically sexist..

Reply to Sue
Posted by: tasha | 2004/02/06

Thank you
I will go see someone and try to trust them and belief in them and to be more sensitive maybe need more sympathy and love from me and me to give more from my side. He is realy a great man and lover. Soooo have to try!! And I'm not going to drive him away again he loves me and maybe just needed some space. Thanx again
Needed some advice
Have no one to talk to
Really helped
Good luck for your relationships to we all just have to work harder and comunicate with one another to sort things out.

Reply to tasha
Posted by: volcano | 2004/02/06

You say you don't feel the same anymore but also stil love him. All men are bad, can't be trusted yet you can't let this one go. I think you are lucky to have had a boyfriend. If he did chat to other girls and he stil stayed with you for 2 years, you should be grateful that he stuck it out that long. But eventually you drove him away and are going to do it again.

Reply to volcano
Posted by: confused | 2004/02/06

You sound a bit confusing, what did he exactly do for you not to trust him? Yes, you heard stories, how will you know if it is true....Maybe have a good look at yourself first, why do you say all men are bad... did something before you met your bf happened to you to loose all trust in men? Please go see some-one (professional) that you can speak to and get to the bottom of your feelings. Good luck.

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