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Question
Posted by: cold heart | 2005/06/29

trouble with commitment

I'm a 29 year old divorced women. All my life i have had trouble giving everything in a relationship. I never give my whole heart and soul in a elationship, I suppose that's why my marriage didn't work. I've been to a phsyciatrist before but it was of no use to me as I only tell him what I want him to know. Since my divorce I'm even more afraid to commit to a relationship. Will hypnosis help me to find out why I have trouble loving and caring unconditionally because I really want to know how it feels to really give all of myself en a love or friendship relationship. I'm really tired of being such a numb person.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

No shrink on earth can possibly help someone who cheats on the deal --- either you tell him everything, frankly and openly, or don't bother going. The only person ultimately cheated, if you do insist on cheating in this way, is yourself. It sounds as though you're not only reluctant to commit to an emotional or romantic relationship, you werebn't even prepared to commit to a therapeutic relationship.
Hypnosis i almost always quackery and couldn't possibly help you in a situation like this. Even thinking of hypnosis is seeking magic, not therapy. If you're reluctant to allow a good shrink to help you while fully conscious, in an adult intelligent discussion in normal therapy, why do you think you'd be happy to allow a hypnotist to place you in some sort of trance and make you very highly suggestible to whatever he pleases to suggest to you ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: SR | 2005/06/29

Anon = ?

Reply to SR
Posted by: Anon | 2005/06/29

SR = male23.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: SR | 2005/06/29

:-) Well Intenso I think that as long as you two keep the happy balance, the feeling for committment will dawn upon you eventually and who knows your phobia could be a thing of the past?

Reply to SR
Posted by: Intenso | 2005/06/29

i am not sure how i would react if he did bombard me with ideas and thoughts of commitment, there are times when the lack of such talk makes me frown but the moment something close gets spoken about all my fears come to fore, i do not think he has commitment phobia like i do, i am divorced longer than him and his reluctance to talk about the future is completely understandable and besides i dont seek this kind of talk with him, i also feel that we dont need to talk about commitment as we are loyal to each other in all ways imaginable, we dont need to reassure our feelings for each other with termonology but perhaps that is just my phobia talking :-)

Reply to Intenso
Posted by: SR | 2005/06/29

Intenso = Do you think if you had to be confronted or bombarded with ideas and thoughts about committment from him, do you think it would bring this phobia strongly to the fore? Do you think he also has a phobia towards committment and therefore the two of you strike a nice balance in that you compliment one another?

Reply to SR
Posted by: Intenso | 2005/06/29

i have discussed this phobia with my shrink and to relate what he says is time consuming and contains issues which are not related to this topic. my phobia stems from not wanting to get hurt and used and abused so i distance myself from the intended and so remain in tact. as far as my current boyfriend is concerned, i have crossed many paths since my own divorce and yielding to emotions and committing to someone is two very different issues in my mind, i remain loyal to my boyfriend and i yield to the emotions which i have for him, somehow it makes me feel more comfortable than the word committment.

Reply to Intenso
Posted by: SR | 2005/06/29

Intenso = Why do you think you may be holding it so nicely together, i.e. striking a fine balance between giving yourself over and teatering on your past phobias?

Reply to SR
Posted by: Intenso | 2005/06/29

I have the same problem, could never give myself over to the emotions of a relationship, in fact i deliberately calculated to be around a "new boyfirend" minimum 2 weeks and maximum 3 months and then I left and in so doing I find little time in committing to them. I have just engaged in a serious relationship with a divorced man and its easier than i thought to hand myself over to the emotions but even though i do that, i still have the phobia and even at times have issues using the word relationship and about talking about the future.

Reply to Intenso
Posted by: SR | 2005/06/29

cold heart = Do you think that there may be a connection between committment and desire. If you desire a person strong enough you will do all in your power to let that person know how you feel. How strong was your desire for your ex, and for that case any other man who came your way who showed a genuine interest in you?

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