Our expert says:
Good to hear you recognize some of the important issues that trouble you, and are working on them --- i 3 years one would hoppe you've seen some real progress. A divorced person like your man, often feels guilty towards the child(ren) and can easily fall into the trap of spoiling them. Neither of you would want his son's visits to be unpleasant, but they really don't have to be a slice of heaven on earth ! They need to be realistic.
let the boy know you think he's a great kid, and that you feel worried that as the home is currently rather small, you'd like to make him feel comfortable and at home. Have a family discussion, with him, his son, and your own child, about how best to manage such visits, so that nobody feels left out. He can have good quality time with his son, without making you feel pushes aside. And why should he not aim at good time for you and he and his son ?
It also sounds as though you are a bit contradictory in how you approach this., telling them to go off together and not to worry about you, and then feeling left out.
You don't feel pushed aside when he concentrates on his work --- why, when he spends less time with his son, does this make you feel pushed aside ?
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