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Question
Posted by: Bontle | 2007/03/05

Trapped in a situation

I am in a situation i don't know how to get out, i have been married for almost ten years, my husband and i never got to leave together for those years, in December i told him that i am tired and i can't continue with this setup, he applied for a job in my area, he moved in with me not long but i could feel that i can't take his rules, he has set up so many rules that i don't know if i can leave with them.

We married in COP and i am the one contributing more in everything since we haven't being staying together, i bought the house where we leave, i am paying everything, what he's doing is just to buy groceries.

Now i am not sure what to do, please advice.

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Our expert says:
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Have you tried marriage counselling together ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bontle | 2007/03/05

Mpho thank you very much for your response, you were in a very healthy situation, i have to feed the bill on everything, my husband does not contribute anything except for groceries. I will take your sweet advice.

Reply to Bontle
Posted by: Mpho | 2007/03/05

My dear, do you love this man or what. Marriage is about sacrifice and compromise. I found myself in a similar predicament and worse my husband brought a child from another relationship along and the grandma's request, was i consulted no. I raised the concern and all hell broke lose and almost had my own child taken away from me. he contributed nothing towards the household yet could claim he owned the place and was taking care of an ungrateful wife. i am now a victor because i let the tide flow and now i am holding the upper hand since everything is coming together. i was a mother in the relationship until i turned a new leaf and demanded that i walk from all that or be treated as a wife with respect as well.

If you do love your husband, the two of you need to talk it out - the mood should not be provocative just relaxed or a different environment from the regular srrounding. Living together after such a long period of living apart will have its own transitional problems but if the respect and love is there you can overcome it. He needs to respect that you have been independent but still regard him as the head and provider in the household and you should not undermine him for earning less than you. I earn 4 times as much as my husband yet i am forcing him to be responsible for me and his children all because i need assurance that he loves me and can take care of me not be mothered. in the time we have been together he bought 2 brand new car and i am still using my old car - why, if he could afford that we go and get him new cars limited editions why cant he take care of me and provide for me like any other man who is married does. it goes a long way, but start with open communication of mutual respect.

All the best my dear. Stay strong to overcome all the obstacles lying ahead.

Reply to Mpho

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