Posted by: hurt | 2007/12/14

toxic relationship

I'm a single mom with 3 kids. I've been in a toxic relationship for 3 yrs and 3 days ago I stood up for myself and broke up with my boyfriend. It's been so hard and I came to this site today to find advise, as I'm so scared of running back to him, as I usually do. This time I want to be strong!
i know he doesn't love me, he drains me emotionally and financially, but i don't want to be rejected again, so I accepted the situation.

I wish i understood why I stayed with him, I've lost thousands of rands and wasted so much of my life on him. Yet I'm feeling like the mean one for walking away.
Thanks for allowing me to put my feelings into words, thx for this forum

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Our expert says:
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Congratulations on having the courage it took to stand up for yourself and break the toxic relationship. Try calling Lifeline and POWA for some direct counselling and the chance to talk about this situation in more detail, and to choose the best next step. Remember that you have decided, after careful thought, that he doesn't love you and that you shouldn't go back to him. Write this resolution down and carry it with you, to re-read when your determination wavers. Arrange to see a good local counsellor ( it'd be worth far more than the rands wasted on him ) to help you remain free from him, and to avoid further toxic relationships and wait for the wholesome one you deserve. And keep in touch on the forum and let us know how you're getting on.
And "been hurt" thanks for your insightful comments, too.

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Our users say:
Posted by: been hurt | 2007/12/14

Hi, I so understand how you feel. most abused woman will understand your situation. We go back because we are used to it and we fear being alone. it hurts too much and it is easier to be with a man(abuse as well) than having to face the world alone. I have also done this so many times. somehow the 1 or 2 things that they do, we seem to be scared to do for ourselves or get someone else to do it for us. This week I started by focusing on work, going for walks, going to gym, try anything and everything to ensure that you are not alone in the familiar environment. because as soon as you are, you feel that emptiness that drives you back to the man. go window shopping, try on all kinds of clothes and laugh at yourself. try going out with friends or take the kids somewhere. just do something cheerful each day. good luck

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