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Question
Posted by: Anxious | 2007/04/24

Torn Heart

Hi

I broke up with a the love of my life after a 5 year relationship last year. Yes, he was my 1st love and I totally adored him - his looks, his personality, just everything! To make a long story short: I wasn't happy towards the last 2 years of our relationship. He was constantly going out with his friends, coming home drunk at 4 in the morning and I just wasn't a priority. He treated me like crap, never wanted to visit his/my family and was just interested in his friends.

For 2 years I knew I had to break up with him as I was just going to end up more hurt. I knew that he wasn't going to end up marrying me. BUT, in spite of everything, I still loved him. I don't know why - maybe cause he was my 1st love. So I broke it off. My heart was shattered, but I knew I made the right decision.

I am now in a relationship with an aquintence of my ex (met him long before I broke up with my ex and really liked him). I really like this guy, but sometimes I can't stop thinking and longing for my ex. I don't want my ex back, I'm just to scared I'll never feel that passionate about anyone again.

So this is my question: is it normal to always remember your 1st love? Is it normal to be in another relationship that is good for you, cause you KNOW the ex just made you unhappy although you loved him so much? will I ever get ove my ex?

Please help

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Women tend to mature earlier than men, especially emotionally. A guy who still needs to run off with his pals and get drunk and reel home in the early hours is still a school-boy emotionally, and hasn't grown up enough t form any significant emotional relationship.
And yes, most people remember their first love, and their early experiences, often remembering them as much sweeter and better than they actually were at the time. And as Echelle says, in that first great romance, you have no comparisons, and may over-estimate it, getting it into perspective after later experiences in life.
But it's important to let go of any ex, asthe greater the extent of your continuing emotional investment in them, the less you are able to invest in your current relationship, placing it at risk. It's like selling your house and moving into a new one, but insisting on continuing to pay the bond repayments on the first housem, even though it now belongs to someone else.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Daisy | 2007/04/24

You always feel like that with your first love. I also felt the same but its never going to be what it once was. Your fantasy is just that. It was great at a stage but people go in separate directions. Your will see that your next relationship will be special in its own way so its time to let go of what once was.

Reply to Daisy
Posted by: Echelle | 2007/04/24

Ofcourse you will get over your ex! Trust me! I was obsessed with my first love, I THOUGHT I loved him, but I didn't really know what love was, when I think of him now I can only laugh and think how stupid I was. Just remember that the first cut is the deepest and after you get through the first time it will get easier and easier every time... Just stick with your decision and realize and admit to yourself over and over again that it will NEVER work! Always be honest to yourself about what's going on in your life and never try to hope on something that's never going to happen. Good luck, it takes a few hard months, but concentrate on this new relationship, but I think the best thing to do is to first get over your ex and only then start a new relationship, otherwise the chances a great that it will also not work out.

Reply to Echelle

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