Posted by: Nickel | 2007/04/03

Torn btwn two pple

I am torn between two people I love most. I have a daugther from my previous relationship and a BF that I have dated for the last 19mnths. Last weekend he suprised me with two tickets to Cape Town and attend the International Jazz festival which was good for our relationship but I missed my 4 year old so much that I did not enjoy the festival. I love being with my BF but I have realised that I don't want to be away from my daugther! We left thurs and returned Monday evening/ I was constantly thinking if she arrived at school safely, whether her lunch box was prepared rightly and so on and so forth. I hated this so much because I also love my BF and likes spending time with him. How do I balance the two?

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Our expert says:
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He needs to recognize that you are part of a package deal, and that he cannot have a relationship with you which excludes or tries to ignore your daughter.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Dicksaka | 2007/04/04

Though I agree with Dickhead - CS can give crappy advices many a times, he has his days.

Dickhead, you are saying that every lady that you know - you do not know this one. stop generalizing cake (stinky) here. It was probably one of her first outings. So, what? She loves her daughter, what CS is probably saying is that her new bf has to realize and be comfortable with her checking up on her and wondering how her daughter is doing, panicking etc.

Though I get a sense that you have not really marketed yourself as a package - as a mother. You have probably sold yourself short and are not comfortable with yourself as a mother at this stage of your dating.

I know that because I suffer from it. i am wondering how it is going to be like now that my ex is going to start dating. I have a great relationship with my daughter and son now. Maybe that may change after their mother has found new love and he becomes very closer to them and other things taken into account. I can only say that, that feeling is quite normal. We have to rise above it. It is just one of the disadvantages of being an ex with a child or children. We have to learn self-acceptence and self-love. Instead of negotiating our preferences based on what the world is giving to us. What we like and who we are comes first, at least should come first.

Reply to Dicksaka
Posted by: Lims | 2007/04/03

i agree with dickhead on this one. if you organized someone you trust and can depend on to look after your kid surely the is nothing wrong with enjoying yourself without your child as long as she is safe and protected. The is nothing wrong with having some enjoyable time without your child.You are not loving her anyless.Even married couples need sometime to them selves without kids.

Reply to Lims
Posted by: Dickhead | 2007/04/03

who said that one should not have a life after a child, i don't remember reading about it in the bible or my grand mother telling me about it, you have nothing to worry about, CS no offence but you advise is a bit crappy, the lady did not say he forced her to choose she just feel guilty and i know why she is a mother, that is what mothers do worry too much and forget to live, is your child complaining nope, your already forgot about the whole ordeal i am not saying make it a habit but surely forumers can understand that you cannot take a child to a jazz festival,,,,,,

and lady i am sure you have heard of cellphones, just to make sure, and every lady i know has a best friend they trust with their lives who can look after the child and tell you if the baby is not okay.........i am not saying go partying and leave the baby sick..

there is more to life than being a mother, you can just be nickel and a mother at the same time.

even got has many sides, god the father, the son and the holy spirit...they are different but one.... we are just copycats of god trying to be better than the name of love..


Reply to Dickhead
Posted by: Lauren Auder ™ | 2007/04/03

I agree with Sg

Reply to Lauren Auder ™
Posted by: Sg | 2007/04/03

It is quite simple,you need to include both in your life and not separately.Your child should come first,so include her.He needs to get to know her and she him.

Reply to Sg
Posted by: Ness | 2007/04/03

Oh crap!!! Dickheads going to have a field day with this one.... I'm going home!

Reply to Ness

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