Our expert says:
I very much agree with Liza.
Lust it certainly sounds like. And you are indulging in it, almost revelling in it, from the sound of your description, like an alcoholic opening a new bottle of alcohol. You continue to have these feelings because you continue to explore and indulge in them.
CBT would indeed be likely to help you to break this bad habit, both of what you do and what you think. Your husband's cheating is, as you know, no excuse for you cheating on him. Do you know your own HIV status ?
As it sounds as though the other guy is getting all he wants right now, don't hold your breath waiting for a marriage proposal from him.
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