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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2012/03/02

torn

I know this may not seem like a serious problem, my head is already telling me something but my heart doesnt not want to hear it. I havent been in a relationship for 6 years, been cheated on, physicall, emotionally and verbally abused and really gave up on the male species. I went for councilling and managed to learn to trust men again and now make the right decision and choose the right people. I met my friend 2 years ago, we became close but then he moved to another city - we kept in touch but not as much. Last year i moved to the same city as him (i got a promotion) and we started talking again and somehow this developed into a sexual relationship. We have fun together, i know that he doesnt have someone in his life because he is an open book, i go to his place when i want, he shows me his cellphone etc. He hides nothing not even his bank balance. We are very compatible. However, he told me last year that as much as we are together he doesnt want something too serious because he is busy completing his degree and he wont have much time anymore. I understand but the sad part is , i realised that i am inlove with him. He doesnt have much time because he is either doing assignments or working on projects at work, and i understand this because i am also studying. Our schedules clash and when he is available im not. We have smsed and spoken over the phone but havent seen each other in 1 month. As much as i love him i know its time to let go but when i bring up the subject with him he gets upset with me. I thinks its unfair of me to want time if he is focusing on his career. Seeing that he doesnt want to hear me out i was thinking of not making contact and no longer responding to his messages / calls. Cowardice i know but it appears to be the only way out. What do i do because i dont want to lose him but i dont want to pressure on him either.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its important to have learned to trust others, but not to trust everyone all the time.
It does sound possible that you are being used, even if he doesn't intend for you to be hurt by this. It makes sense that he wants to be able to concentrate on his degree etc and welcomes a sexual relationship, but realll doesn't want anything more than that. But he owes you a calm, frank, face-to-face discussion of where he is in his life, what he wants and intends, so you can make a wiser decision about how to respond to that

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/03/03

Its important to have learned to trust others, but not to trust everyone all the time.
It does sound possible that you are being used, even if he doesn't intend for you to be hurt by this. It makes sense that he wants to be able to concentrate on his degree etc and welcomes a sexual relationship, but realll doesn't want anything more than that. But he owes you a calm, frank, face-to-face discussion of where he is in his life, what he wants and intends, so you can make a wiser decision about how to respond to that

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/03/02

He doesnt want anything serious but you are having sex.
He is using you - move on. You are worth more than this...........

Reply to Obvious

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